Eliminating Contaminated People
There are contaminated relationships that will not be restored. There are people that are so damaging to you and your self-esteem that you will have no choice but to eliminate them from your life.
One of the first personal characteristics that you will need to bring forward is assertiveness. Not aggression, but assertiveness. Assertiveness is when you hold tight to your decisions and needs. Assertiveness is when you defend your position with confidence and positive comments. Aggression is when you verbally or physically attack the other person. Aggression is never as effective as assertiveness.
When ending a contaminated relationship, try to avoid confrontations. However, do not avoid the contaminated person or the work that needs to be done. You may need to use a variety of methods to bring the relationships to closure, such as letters, phone, fax, e-mail, or in person. But do not avoid ending the relationship. Without closure, the contaminated person still has control over your life.
Some relationships are worth saving. They may be damaged, tattered, torn, and even broken beyond recognition, but some are definitely worth saving. Others are not. Sometimes love is not enough to save a relationship. Sometimes deep, committed friendship is not enough to save a relationship, but sometimes a simple phone call, five minutes of intense listening, or simply admitting that relationships transform takes the relationship to a healthier place. Only you can judge which relationships are worth saving.
Not every conflict can, or will, be resolved. Be extremely cautious of trying to resolve conflicts with people who are prone to anger and physical violence. You may need to have other people present when dealing with this type of contaminated person.