So, What Should We Talk About?
If you're willing to set aside the time to talk, you're well on your way to a romantic evening. Many subjects make you feel closer as a couple. Topics can range from dreamy flights of fancy to stuff that is sexy and raunchy. Here are just a few ideas.
One of the most romantic topics is the future you're going to spend together. Dating couples and those close to an engagement may talk about the possibilities to come. Young couples entertain ideas about having children. Couples with kids talk about saving for college and building toward retirement. Older couples discuss how they want to spend their golden years.
Thinking about your future together connects you in a unique way. The only image that comes to mind is how you want to share what happens next. The message comes through loud and clear: No matter what, we'll be together. Now that's romantic. It also leads to a closely related subject.
Years ago, Don did some research on the Social Penetration Theory. This theory suggests that many of us are very careful about what we'll reveal to others. It tends to come out in “layers.” That's why the theory is also known as the “onion theory.” At first, you are only willing to tell someone about peripheral matters, such as your favorite color, food, and type of music. Later, as you get to know and accept the person, you become more willing to tell him or her about more intimate things, such as embarrassing moments or private fantasies. The core of your personality is where all your deep dark secrets are hidden, and only a few highly trusted souls ever find out about them.
Somewhere in the “onion” that is your personality rests your dreams. Many people are pretty open about them. Others don't want to talk about their dreams. They're afraid of being laughed at or told that the dream is impossible. Any two people can open up and share their dreams. Sharing a dream and reaching for that dream is the stuff of love. It's romantic and intimate to share your ambitions.
Reliving memories of all kinds creates another unique connection. In a sense, we are what we've done and what we recall. We will become what we do next. So, we “are” all of the episodes and escapades that unfold in our time together.
For romantic couples, everything from the wedding night and honeymoon to the birth of a child is part of their unique story. You can embellish talks about the past with photos, videos, and other memorabilia.
We have a chapter coming up on sex and we don't want to steal our own thunder, so we'll just mention that one very romantic topic is intimacy In the calmer moments of a quiet evening, you can reveal what your partner does that really gets you “hot.” You can tell him or her some of your favorite sexual memories. Some couples like to “talk dirty.” Lighthearted sex talk often ends up in some serious time in the bedroom, or, on the real lusty nights, right there on the living room floor.
One variation of sex talk you should try is phone sex. Now, we're not suggesting one of those 900 numbers or Internet sites. We mean that you can say some really sensuous things to the person you love while on the phone. Think of the possibilities: He is at work and you tell him just how you're going to ravish him when he gets home. She is away on a business trip, and you talk her through what's going to happen when she comes back. The more modest readers of this book can try phone sex without resorting to “naughty” words. Those of you with more familiarity and fewer inhibitions can really cut loose. Either way, it can be fun, romantic, exciting, and it can lead to some terrific passion after you hang up and meet in person.