Some people have a way with words. Eloquent men and women deliver loving phrases with the greatest of ease. They know how to whisper those “sweet little nothings.” Verbal people have many advantages in life, not the least of which is that people around them assume they're really smart. And, truthfully, in some ways they are.

There's an upside and a downside to someone who is that polished. The upside is he or she can compliment you, talk to you, and advise you with words and phrases that are easy to understand and pleasing to hear. The downside may be that the person seems too slick, as if he or she were handing you a line.

Either way, most of us aren't quite that skilled. Consequently, it takes a little effort to learn how to say the right thing. Here are a few suggestions:

• Don't be afraid to pause before you speak. Consider carefully what you're about to say.

• Make sure that what you wanted to say is what the person actually heard.

• Be aware of differences between you and your lover. You may have entirely different ideas about what “relaxing” means. Speak in the language of your lover as best you can.

• Watch your body language. Sometimes your nonverbal communication speaks much louder than your words.

• Be more articulate by learning new words and phrases. Practice them.

• Remember, it never hurts to rehearse a speech to someone you love, especially when you want to say, “I love you” or, “I'm angry about something you did.”

• Be careful with the words always and never. They will often start an argument, as in:

  “You never help me around the house!”

  “You never want to have sex.”

  “You're always late.”

  “You always have to get in the last word!”

In general, to get better at expressing yourself, read more and write more. Practice may not make perfect, but you can improve your communication skills.

If you really want help, take a speech or a drama class at a local junior college or college. As you become more comfortable with expression, you'll also find that you're becoming a better romantic partner. That makes it worth the effort.