Finding the Patterns in Your Life
It may sound like a bit of an overstatement, but with every new endeavor you undertake you bring all of the dimensions of yourself that make you the unique individual you are on this planet. The way you carefully sort out the contents of your pockets and arrange them on the bureau top each evening is as much a part of the package that is you as your taste for really spicy barbecue ribs. The particular mix of achievements and disappointments you have lived through will have seasoned you, preparing you for new challenges.
When you are bridging to retirement and thinking about what you might like to pursue, there is certainly a place and a time for wild dreaming. There is also value in reflecting on the twists and turns your life has presented you, and the choices you have made along the way. The challenge for you is to see if you can discover any signposts that now point you in a direction to follow. Pay particular attention to events that presented themselves as a complete surprise. As you look back you may be able to see the path that brought you to these “Who knew?” moments. Maybe you were too closely enmeshed in the minutiae of daily living to see the pattern of events that brought you to critical junctures in your life. Ask yourself these questions to see if you can find points where you switched tracks:
Were you ever asked to take on duties outside your job description?
Has work been just a job, or has it been a big part of how you define yourself?
Did a relocation cause you to drop a favorite pastime — such as water skiing, because you were no longer near any lakes — and pick up new ones inspired by resources in your new locale — such as museum-going?
Have you ever lost a spouse through divorce or death, throwing your social life into a new direction?
Have you ever been pressed by friends or forced through work obligations to do something completely outside of your comfort zone, such as speaking before a large group or trying something physically challenging?
Did you have to defer something important in your life to meet other obligations?
Did you rise to a leadership position in your work or through any of your volunteer activities?
Were you able to find a comfortable balance between demands of others on your time and what you needed for yourself?
Were some parts of your life easier to manage than others?
If you got a windfall of unexpected money, what did you decide to do with it?
When you answer these questions you might discover that there were times when circumstances, perhaps beyond your control, gave you an opportunity to take on entirely new roles. When you look back and realize you took a big leap and landed on your feet you may gain the courage to try something completely new to you.
Looking inward can be daunting. Dredging up old disappointments or contemplating roads not taken may open wounds on experiences not yet fully resolved for you. Short of intensive psychotherapy, try to extract the areas where you added new interests, skills, or otherwise were enriched by adding a different perspective to a life experience. Focus on the positive.
The great thing about actively undertaking a life review is that you are seeking to identify where surprise developments in your life lead to new areas of competency. This self-knowledge can be a fantastic barometer for which areas are ripe for exploring within your newfound status in life as a retiree.
