Everyone knows someone who's a smashing success at something — she's either a millionaire CEO or a stage star or the like — and yet, she seems to be missing something key. That key is a strong sense of what is right, otherwise known as good character.

Building It from a Young Age

A good sense of self and character is the core of what makes up a good adult. For adolescent girls, those who are able to build and hold onto a strong sense of character from an early point survive these dicey years more intact than others. Think about it: it is your character, or your true vision of who you believe yourself to be, that is at the base of every decision and every reaction. Let's say your child, deep down, has a strong sense of always doing what she sees as “right.”Even if she acts in a way that her base character would not find appropriate, she's going to feel remorse. And sometimes, with teen girls, remorse is the best you can hope for. After all — everyone stumbles. It's what you do with that stumble and how you learn from it that shows who you really are. Good character helps with that.

So in the early years, you feel proud of your daughter's character. At playgroup, she stands up to the preschool bully and reaches out with kindness to the girl whom no one seems to want to play with. In her early school years, she shows leadership, speaking up in class and offering to sit next to the new kid in class. But around the start of fifth grade, things seem to change a bit. She might side with some other girls being mean to a girl. Or she holds back from being a leader in class. Where, you wonder, have you gone wrong? In fact, you have not.

This is the time in life when a girl begins to feel pressure. School gets tougher, homework is longer and harder, and she may now have a series of teachers instead of just one to focus on. In sports, the “everyone plays” rules begin to change and in some cases, girls may be cut and experience failure. All this, plus the change to a middle school, can weigh heavy on a girl and make her question or play with her character.

The child who works through these times and is able to stick to the core character beliefs you've tried to instill since she was young (and you saw in play in those playgroup and early school years) is the girl who will get through adolescence with a strong, quality character intact. It's not easy, and there will be times even your adult character questions what is right and wrong. But the ability to stay strong and focused on her personal beliefs is a gift to a teen girl.

How Parents' Character Plays a Role

First, “what is right” is, in the end, a personal decision for every person to make. There are basic “rights and wrongs,” such as honesty, kindness to others, avoiding things like stealing and physical harm to others, and caring for others. But beyond that, it's up to you. Some people believe that so long as you are a “success” (in other words, as long as you make a lot of money or rise to the top of a company or have a special sports skill), then you are all you need to be. Stepping on others and looking out for your own end goal comes first. Others believe that, before any of that can matter, you must be a caring person who helps others. As you work to help your daughter develop her character, it is a good time to reflect on your own. Do you “practice what you preach?” Are you the person you want your child to be? If the answer is no, all is not lost. It's never too late to better yourself.

The challenge for some parents here is that wanting to get the “best” for your child can overshadow your ability to show strong character. Let's say your daughter is a pretty good soccer player and is on a youth team that does relatively well but does not win the league. Two girls on the youth team are not strong players, but the league rules say no one can be cut at this age. Do you teach your child that playing for the sake of playing is what is right at this age? Or do you complain about the two girls who are “holding the team back?” It's hard to put what is right ahead of what might be advantageous for you child, but if you can do so, you'll give your daughter a tool more valuable in life than any soccer skill can ever give her. It's a challenge, to be sure, particularly when you watch all the other “soccer parents” around you. But doing the right thing will pay off in the long run.