Each life needs a foundation, and in many families, that foundation is spirituality. Can you raise a girl who maintains hers, or who finds one she truly believes in?

Family Traditions

You are Catholic, or Jewish, or non-denominational. Your family has practiced a certain religion or spiritual tradition for years, and you want your daughter to carry that on. You've taken her to all the masses or services, given her all the lessons. What if she does not buy in? First, it's normal for teens to balk at family traditions of spirituality. It's all about their age. They're testing the waters, wondering how much of you they want to carry on and how much they want to change. Religion is a topic that runs deep for most, so having your child question it can on the surface be hurtful. And yet, it seems to happen often. The Catholic teen claims not to want confirmation, claiming she is not sure she believes in God. The Presbyterian suddenly wants to check out a Catholic Mass. What's a family to do? If possible, be flexible and help your child to look at what it is she doesn't agree with in your family religion and what you can do to address her questions. And let her know that everyone at every age often questions his or her faith. You might even want to compliment her for questioning: after all, something like Catholic confirmation is a big step that should be thought through and taken seriously.

You may want to consider being open to the idea of your child attending other religious events with friends of other denominations too. But don't leave it at that. Talk to her after about what she saw, what she liked, and how she can weave what she liked into your own chosen religion.

Non-Belief

She said it, and you're crushed: “I don't believe there is a God.” Don't think you've failed. Teens question everything. Instead, see it as a chance to open up a discussion about spirituality.

Perhaps you could talk about prayer and how you feel it has worked in your life. Show your child how she can use spirituality in a simple way. Point out stars or heroes (there are plenty in the sports world!) who turn to religion every day and every hour. And in the end, if your child insists, let her explore every angle. If you stick with your beliefs but respect her need to question, you may, in the end, win her back to where you hope they will be.

Conversely, what if you are not a believer and your child is one? Again, it is a time to allow her to explore and for you to respect her choices and challenges. But make sure she understands that she needs to respect and accept your decisions in belief issues too. And as a parent, it is your responsibility to check out any religion she may be interested in. Make sure it's a respected religion. Believe it or not, cults are still out there and teen girls can be their prey. If your child becomes interested, attend a few church meetings and learn all you can. Then, if it looks fine, respect her choice.