The Years Before Adolescence
The early years with your daughter can be a joyful challenge, just as they are with any child. You'll get your share of what you dreamed of: tea parties with her tiny playmates, cheering for her at Tumble Tots, and watching with joy as she begins to remember book themes, numbers, and other “amazing feats.”The challenge for today's mom and dad is finding a way, in those early years, to mix your own dreams with a realistic role for your daughter in today's world. If you're reading this, you've most likely already been through those years, so a look at what you did, how you role modeled, and what you can learn from it can be useful at this time.
The toddlers years are full of playgroups, dress up, and challenging days of learning and growing. For little girls, parents often focus on “role playing games” such as “house” and “tea party.” Playtime usually means hanging out with little girls from the neighborhood or that you've met through day care, but boys aren't so drastically different that they cannot be entered into the mix as well. But how often, in those early play days with the cute little boy down the street, did you and the other parent joke about showing the photos of that day at their wedding? People seemed programmed to think forward to a future male-female relationship. Did your daughter pick up on that?
It's easy to think back on these days as stress-free, despite the issues of temper tantrums, potty training, and the like. After all, can you imagine if all it took to make your teen girl happy today was letting her run around in circles wearing her dress-up shoes for a few minutes? While toddler girls were a challenge, they were also a joy. The seemingly constant moments of discovery (She can write her name! She knows how to do a somersault!) helped buoy you through more stressful times. And back then, the future was a blank slate, something you were working to paint the best picture on. In almost every case, your daughter had yet to say she disliked you, and chances are, she still worshipped the ground you walked on. If you were giddy with the glee of success, do not feel alone. More than a few parents have looked at their coming-out-of-toddlerhood girls and thought, “I've done this right. I've raised a perfect girl.”
Essential
Take time to sit down with your daughter and look over old family photos from her early years. Weave into the conversation games she played, ways she thought, and how she had friendships with boys at that time. This will convey to her that she's a unique individual and not just “sugar and spice.”
As their daughter grows, parents begin to sense a change. Some lament the “influence of the outside world” on their daughter's attitudes; others struggle to keep control of their lives through volunteering at school and helping out with after school and sports activities. But no matter how you try, your daughter is going to begin to develop her own opinions, her own beliefs, and yes, disagreements with you. Fifth grade seems to be a common age for girls to begin showing some push-back at parents. It also seems to be the time when girl-versus-girl conflicts, like cliques and battles and jostling over “liking boys,” begin to surface.
Sixth or seventh grade usually signals the beginning of middle school — prime time for changes, struggles, and issues in a girl's life. Parents who may be looking forward to less stress in raising a girl should actually be ready for the opposite. The more available a parent can be in these years, the better for the child.
