The center of the social universe for adolescent girls has shifted. While it was once phone calls, the mall, and a place in town where kids hang out, it is now in cyberspace, which she accesses from her computer. How is a parent supposed to oversee that? By understanding the social network sites and keeping a close eye.

MySpace and Facebook

Unless you live in a cave, you've heard of these sites, currently the hot cyber spot for teens to socialize at. But how do they work? MySpace (www.myspace.com) is a public site where anyone, repeat: anyone, can set up a “home page” with photos of him- or herself, and details about his or her life. People who are MySpace members (and it's free, by the way) can browse all the other MySpace pages to find people they share hobbies, beliefs, and ideas with. They can reach out and chat with anyone, anywhere in the world. They can post “background music” so that when someone logs onto their site, the music plays like a theme song. Kids today love the kind of networking, and log almost countless hours on it.

Facebook (www.facebook.com) is newer than MySpace, and has more security features. But parents still need to be careful if their daughter is using it. Facebook started out as a way for college students to get to know one another. In fact, in the beginning, you could only join Facebook if you were a student at a participating school. This meant that, for the most part, it was safer than MySpace. But today, anyone can become a Facebook member. Facebook differs from MySpace in that Web browsers can only see your photo, name, and social group (such as a school or a geographical region your child chooses to say she is part of). In order to see your daughter's entire site or to communicate with her via Facebook, a browser must ask to become a “friend” of your daughter. She will be able to look over her “friend requests” and decide if she is going to let this person into her full page. Like MySpace, Facebook has a spot for sending and leaving messages.

Both MySpace and Facebook offer positive features as well. Some high school student leaders use them to send out messages and reminders about school events. These sites also make keeping in touch with friends from a long distance away simpler and cheaper (no more shockingly high long distance phone bills). Girls getting ready to leave for the first year of college or to a boarding school can get to know classmates a bit before they even get there. MySpace is also a hot place for bands to post home pages to reach out to fans with news on concert dates and album releases and for political candidates to set up informational pages.

Safety in Social Networking

It all sounds safe and good, doesn't it? But here's the rub: because anyone can access MySpace, anyone might be reaching out to your child. The more anonymous she looks, the better off you are. So how do you keep her safe? By overseeing her cyber world just as you do her regular world. That often means a battle with a child — she doesn't want you controlling this part of her life either. But you must. Some steps to take include:

• Demand she not use her real name on MySpace. Help her choose a “handle” like “Dancer Girl” or something else related to her likes and hobbies.

• Insist that you have her password. That way, you can check over the site anytime you want.

• Read through her “friends” and “wall postings” and make sure you know who each person listed there is. If you don't know someone, ask your daughter for an explanation.

• On MySpace, insist that her page be marked “private.”This security measure makes it so that only invited people can view her page, much like Facebook's security.

• Check her profile photo regularly. It is one thing for her to post a photo of herself at the beach with a group of friends. It is quite another for her to post a self-portrait of herself in a bikini. Make sure all her photos are appropriate, and demand that she remove any you feel uncomfortable about.