Feel like you need a spa escape? That's probably because you do. Taking care of your own body and soul isn't selfish; it's helpful to your daughter and your relationship.

Simple Ideas

Take a walk each morning before work, even if it means starting at sunrise. Insist on getting your nails done once a week or so. Join a book group that reads the kind of deep, complicated reading you loved in college. Don't fall behind on your reading time. Such “gifts” to yourself can be inexpensive and valuable at the same time. Pampering and rewarding yourself for your hard work as the parent of a teen girl can make all the difference. And don't hold off your “reward” if you have a bad week. Ever watched world-level tennis doubles players in action? They high-five one another even when they double fault. The notion is simple: if you are trying, you're a winner, no matter how you stumble from time to time.

Hobby time at home is a good pampering tool too. Learn to sew, paint, weld, or work on cars. Immerse yourself in a project like that for one or two hours a week. If you like gardening, give yourself a new garden. Dig out a part of the yard and make it your new project. The fresh air and hard work can be soothing, even in the toughest of dealing with teen times. It's a healthy and productive escape, and a way to leave everything behind for a bit of time each week.

Pampering Your Marriage or Relationship

Raising a teen can be stressful on an entire family, and particularly on a marriage. That's why you need to work with even more dedication in these years at keeping your relationship (whether you are married, dating, or in a committed relationship of some kind), working well. It's easy for a girl to try to play one parent off another (as discussed in Chapters 2 and 3). Don't let it happen. But beyond just backing one another up and respecting one another, go ahead and pamper your relationship.

Try to plan a weekend away together, leaving your teen in the hands of another capable adult you trust. (Don't leave her alone! Just don't do it!) Send each other notes of support. Bring home flowers, or send one another flowers to the office. Don't let your teen's life swallow your relationship whole. Exist outside of it, because some day, believe it or not, she will grow up! More than once, a couple has spent decades immersed in raising children only to come out the other end wondering “Who are you? And what did I ever see in you?” Raising children is the ultimate bond, so long as you keep sight of your relationship along the way. The couple that works at that while working at raising children comes out that other end closer than ever and jubilant at the concept of just taking care of one another.

Big Time Pampering

Consider, if you can swing it, heading off for a girl's or boy's weekend away with friends or by yourself. Attend a weekend long ladies' or men's golf or tennis camp. There is nothing like a new hobby to make you feel pampered and like you matter beyond your work as a parent. Book a hotel room and just spend a night alone or as a couple. Wake up alone and order room service and the newspaper and linger over every article in every section. Don't allow your mind to wander to what needs to be done at home or what's going on at home. Take a day or two completely off. You'll come back refreshed and hopefully ready to take on more of the challenges you have to face every day in raising a daughter. Or here's another idea: take turns letting your spouse take the kids away and relax in the walls of your own home. When is the last time you had complete quiet and relaxation in your own setting? That in itself can be luxurious. In the end, the parent that takes care of him or herself is going to be the parent who takes the best care of that growing girl. And that's just plain good parenting.