She's needy. She's emotional. She ignores you and then chides you for not paying enough attention to her. In all that it's easy to want to scream, “What about me?” Rather than screaming, parents of teen girls should work at understanding how this all plays on them personally.

Emotional Aspects for You

It's not easy being the mother, father, or other caretaker of a teen girl. First, there's the sense of abandonment some parents feel. For years, you were the apple of your little girl's eye. The sun rose and set on you and nothing was more appealing to her than a long walk or a nice breakfast out with you. Now, she cringes at the notion of spending time with you and often sulks off to her room to ignore you. That's not easy to take. The key here is twofold: Don't be hurt, and don't let it entirely happen.

The hurt is hard to deflect: some girls can think of some cutting, mean remarks to make to parents at times when the parents seem to be most vulnerable. Take this, if you can, as a compliment. She is most likely lashing out at you as a way to get out her angst about a completely different issue. It might be the kids at school; it might be her inability to find a part time job. Whatever, you remain the place she is most safe to act in anger and be forgiven. That said, forgiveness is key. You cannot allow a girl to assume it is ever okay to be cruel and unkind and not at least be remorseful. Sometimes, those “I'm sorry” moments, if truly meant, can be as special as those years when she just plain loved you without these complications. It may also be hard for parents to accept that their daughter has other friends to turn to in times of need now. Being needed is such a vital part of being a parent. Just remember, she really does still need you, even if it does not seem to be all the time.

Physical Aspects for You

The physical changes she goes through impact mothers and fathers immensely, as discussed in Chapters 2 and 3. But what about the changes you go through and the physical impact of her teen years on you? When she was a baby, you were younger and late nights (and sleepless nights) for whatever reason were easier to bounce back from. Now, you're older, yet the late and sleepless nights can begin again. Whether you are waiting up for a girl who's been out on the town or tossing and turning over one teen issue or another, these can be sleepless years. It's important to find a way for you to get good rest. If worry and angst over your girl keeps you up enough that it's negatively impacting your entire life (work, social and the rest), you may want to have a talk with your own medical provider about it. They may suggest counseling or medication, or they may just give you ideas on how to sleep better.

If you are a stress eater or a stress starver, you may find these years are rough as well. When you add to that the irony that you need to be showing your daughter healthy food habits these years, it can have an emotional toll on you. Consider, if you are struggling in any way, joining a health eating group such as Weight Watchers or seeing a nutritionist yourself. It could be your own body changes and hormones mean you need to tweak your eating style at this time in life anyway. And by taking positive action, you'll show your daughter the right way to deal with such issues and at the same time, take good, positive care of yourself. You'll also show her how to deal with body changes when, way down the road, she's an older woman and mother too.