It's all your fault. You know because your daughter has told you so, more than a few times. Deflecting and fighting guilt is key to your own mental (and even physical) health at this time.

She's a Master

Where did it come from, this ability to make you feel so guilty? Chalk it up to one smart girl toying emotion and even sometimes emotional blackmail in an attempt to get her way. Guilt can be tossed at you for silly reasons — for example, that she's the only girl in your town not getting her own car when she turns sixteen — or for more vital reasons — such as that perhaps it is your fault you and your spouse divorced, leaving her the child of a broken home. Either way, it's important to not let her learn to manipulate you too much. She needs to learn healthy ways to get things to work her way and, better yet, how to cope when things don't work her way. You're ability to fend off her manipulations will be key to this growth.

A first step is to not react immediately to her guilt afflicting attempts. Instead, take some time away from the situation, even a few moments, and let yourself think rationally. Take a breath before responding. If you are still not ready to respond, take a walk or drive to give yourself alone time to assess things and come up with a plan and calm reaction. It may enrage her at the moment, but in time she'll learn the pattern, and it will save you angst and harsh times down the road.

When You Truly Feel Guilty

Your work keeps you away from home too much. Your relationship with another person ended your marriage. Or you cannot afford to send her to the private school she wants or buy her the $250 jeans she desires. Whatever the situation, if you cannot shake your guilt, you will need to talk it out with her, perhaps with some professional help. Be sure to think carefully about the situation, whatever it is. Are you truly guilty of an act that requires apology? If yes, do so in an appropriate way. In other words, a ruined marriage cannot be fixed by buying her a car or giving her more freedoms than she is ready for (don't try to be the “cool parent” to make up for things that have no direct correlation on each other). Show her how words and actions can truly send a person on the road to healing and forgiveness. Sometimes, seeing you as an adult forgive someone else of a past bad act can be a powerful experience for a child. It helps her not only to learn to forgive you, but also to learn how to work toward forgiving others and the powerful impact of forgiveness.