No Such Thing as the "Cool Mom"
The so-called “Cool Mom,” often self-anointed as such, isn't a character you need turn to Hollywood to see. Chances are there's a Cool Mom wannabe right in your own neighborhood or school district. And chances are she's making other moms' lives just about miserable.
What Drives the “Cool Mom”
The Cool Mom thinks of herself as more of her daughter's friend than as her parent. Her goal is to be popular herself, and to do so, she'll resort to almost anything: making outrageous purchases, showing a complete disregard for any kind of discipline, and acting like she's the mom all the other girls in town can “come to talk” at any time.
Moms have many different motivations for wanting to serve this role, and at the end of the day, none of them have to do with what is best for their children. Cool moms are often looking to fill other voids in their lives. Maybe they were lonely as children. Maybe they want more than anything for their daughter to treat them like an equal. Whatever the case, these moms, with their late curfews, coed sleepovers, and readily accessible birth control for their daughters are more than misguided.
Girls can be wowed by these moms. Think about it: all the rules you are enforcing and the “tough love” you are practicing for true and correct reasons can seem completely wrong to her if her friend's mom just lets her do what she wants.
Happiness is in the moment in these years, and your daughter does not understand that your way is in fact the best way. It may take time, but at some point, your daughter will hopefully see that often, the rules and “uncool” things you do are actually in her best interest, and are what truly show love to a child.
Why You Cannot Be the Cool Mom
It might be tempting to go down this road, but you must not. Why can't you just be the cool mom? Put simply, because your daughter's health, safety, and future depend on you resisting it.
Don't let a cool mom “steal” your daughter away. If you find yourself in a situation, confront the mother in person and alone and let her know that your rules for your child extend to her house too.
The role of mom in her daughter's adolescent years is far from fun. As discussed earlier, in most cases, you've long past that time of getting constant admiration and adoration from her. This can hurt the mother's psyche. After all, parents want their children to worship them. But here's where being a grown-up comes in: you must stick to the rules and limitations your daughter needs placed on her in these important years.
Even if she sometimes (okay, more than sometimes) seems to resent you for it, the payoff will come down the road when she's a well-adjusted and successful young adult who at that point, by the way, will absolutely think you really were the coolest mother ever.