Sexual Pressure and Where It Comes From
Girls today feel all sorts of pressure: pressure to be popular, to fit in, and to be “loved” by the masses. That can translate to pressure to do things you might never dream they would attempt to do.
“If we don't do it we get sick.” Or, “You'd do it if you loved me.” Or better yet, “It's not sex if there is no penetration.” These lines have been mysteriously handed down through the ages from one adolescent boy to the next. And somehow, with the twinkling of the stars or the crashing of the beach waves luring them on, girls fall for it.
Getting a girl to understand what pressure feels like and why she should listen to her gut is a good exercise leading up to the dating years. Let her know that boys will say such things, and that she might even almost believe them. But if something feels a tiny bit not right, she's better off erring on the side of caution.
Put it to her this way: If she says “not now” but “maybe later,” there will always be a chance to do what it is she thinks she wants to do after getting home and assessing the situation. If she says “okay” when she's not 100 percent sure, she can never go back and erase that act. And what if your daughter is the one pressuring the boy? Try to instill in her that just as she would not want to be pushed, neither should she push a boy.
“Oh come on, he's hot! Just do it already!” Or, “You're the only one in our grade who hasn't done it yet! Virgin loser!” Or better yet, “It's not sex if there is no penetration.” Girls can pressure one another to engage in sex as much as boys can. Try to let your daughter know first off that what she's hearing just might not be true, and the very girl pressuring her might never have had sex herself.
Also try to instill in her a self-worth that rises above having to do what the crowd (claims it) does. It might surprise your daughter to find out that other girls would lie to her to force her into a sexual situation with a boy. Let her know that adults don't discuss what they do and with whom (at least, most don't) and that when the time comes that she engages in a sexual relationship, it won't be for the benefit of her friends.
It also could come back and slap her in the face. More than once girls have egged another girl on to performing a sexual act with a boy, only to label her “slut” in front of the whole school after the fact. Hearing that warning from you might help your daughter to avoid such a situation.
