The Enforcer: Mom or Dad?
Here's a thought: How about both? Parents need to show a completely united front in discipline and punishment. This is not always easy to do.
Let's say you feel strongly your daughter's poor grades on a report card demand some kind of harsh action (they were from neglecting homework rather than from struggling in school). You decide that she is off the Internet until midterm (and a check on her grades at that point), and she is only allowed to watch TV after you have reviewed all her assignments each night. Dad, however, feels differently. She needs her social contact via the Internet, and so he disagrees. What's a couple to do? Put simply, you can agree to disagree, but only to each other. And when it comes down to enforcement, the bearing of the message must be almost seamlessly shared between you in the eyes of your daughter. Because there's nothing a girl won't try more than wrapping Daddy around her finger in front of mean old Mom.
Fact
While more than a majority of moms now work outside of the home, the fact is, our culture still sees Mom as the rule keeper in the house. Dads who love their families will work to change that image and be willing to share that role in a visible way.
The mom is most often the one spouting off the threatened punishment. This is not fun, and yet, it is a necessary task. The emotional relationship between a mother and daughter is intense, and for that reason, can waver from incredibly close to almost hostile. So when a mom is the one doling out the rules and punishments, it can be easy for a girl to think “I wish Dad was here.” Moms may want to consider holding off on the doling until Dad gets home and letting him bear some of the heavy lifting needed. The suggestion of this should happen out of earshot and in a place and time your daughter does not catch on. Give her the idea that Dad shares the duty with Mom because he should, not because Mom asked.
It was said earlier in the book but it deserves reinforcement here, every dad wants to treat his girl like a princess. The key is to understand that giving her limits and punishments to guide her to being a happy adult is the best gift you can give her. Everyone knows it's empowering for a dad to have his girl come running to him for love and support and protection against “the bad guy,” but “the bad guy” can never be the other parent. Look closely at your behavior. Do you tend to coddle your daughter after Mom's been upset or angry? If so, that needs to be put in check. Put your own ego and needs aside. Remind her that as parents, you are a team, and she
