It is perhaps the issue facing teen girls today. Everyone wants to be thin; everyone judges others on their clothing size. Despite more and more education about eating disorders and their dangers, today's girls (and parents) still struggle.

Anorexia and Bulimia

By now most people know what it is: a person completely starves herself of all nutrients and wastes away. What parents might not understand is what goes into the mind of a girl who chooses to do this. The key is that it may, in the way alcoholism works, not even be a complete “choice.” Someone with anorexia has the combination of a fear of gaining weight and a completely distorted body image. She may withhold food completely, or set strange rules for food, such as “Eleven grapes a day and two crackers, chewed slowly.” Often, anorexia comes along with other psychological issues, and is centered around control. Sometimes, a girl with an eating disorder may have heard negative talk around her home. It is important that parents teach girls that it is the whole person who is important, not just his or her looks. A girl who weighs a bit more is no less a kind or smart or lovable person than is a girl who is at goal weight or underweight. Don't let her think she can starve herself into love or happiness.

Bulimia, the act of consuming large amounts of food in a short period of time and then “purging” them, either with self-induced vomiting, diuretics, or a combination, is just as dangerous. It is important, too, to show your daughter in no uncertain terms that anorexia and bulimia are life threatening. If you can, have her talk firsthand with a woman who has suffered from it for years. Many die young; many can never have children. All would tell her if they could begin again they'd never sink into their nearly unbreakable habits.

Body Image

How is anyone supposed to live up to it? As the line in the film The Devil Wears Prada goes: “Two is the new four. Zero is the new two. Six? That's the new fourteen.” Remember when a size ten to twelve was a thin, sexy, desirable woman? Your girl faces a much harsher standard than that. Part of the issue is fashion. While the fashion world is trying to make amends and use “larger models” (as in size sixes!), your girl's role models are all but invisible they are so thin. And as a girl goes through the changes her body sees in puberty, that can be upsetting to the point of depression. What's a parent to do? First, make sure you let your daughter see that clothes that fit look good, no matter what size is written on the tag. Show her how the size that truly fits her makes her look the best. The number is not the issue; how she looks and feels is the important thing. Second, let her know that if she truly wants to stay “fit,” you embrace that. Get her a gym membership but do not let her loose: have her work with a personal trainer who you know embraces a healthy and normal philosophy for the growing teen girl body.

If she wants to eat healthy, engage the entire family in the effort. Make sure she eats a good amount of carbohydrates and calories for a growing girl, but help her to learn to eat right (along with you). Show her what a true “good body” is: one that is appropriate to her height and that is comfortable shopping the middle of the rack. Through all this remember, she's listening to you. Too many women — and men — stress out loud about their own seemingly imperfect body image. Watch what you say and how you personally feel. As always, your example will not only lead your daughter, but it may just be the quiet support she needs to embrace her own body.