Finding the Good
There are days when your son will get on your nerves. His grades may be low, and maybe he's got a rude temper to boot. It doesn't matter. Your job is to always find the good in him.
Many schools have learned that by catching kids being good, they have a chance to reward good behavior, which is more meaningful to a teen than punishment for bad behavior. This is a skill parents need to master.
Essential
Delegating responsibilities to your teen son sends the message that you have faith in his ability to complete a task well. Offer him the skills he needs, but in the end, recognize that he needs to be left alone to complete the task so that he can, alone, bask in the glory of a job well done.
Many teens naturally excel at something. It might be at school or perhaps in sports. Look beyond grades and game wins. It is important to say, “Hey, it was great that you helped your teammate make the goal, and even though you didn't get credit, I noticed you helped him. Way to go!”
Reward your son around the house for being helpful, even if he only does a few little things. You might praise him for taking his clothes to his room, for instance. Though at first they may believe you are being sarcastic, keep it up and find something to compliment. The rules to this are only that it has to be truthful and it has to be good.
If you are having a problem finding good things about your son, you need to stop and take inventory. Is it really that he is not doing good things at all? Ever? Or is it simply that you are not witnessing good things?
Question
How can I help my son have a good body image?
While boys are less likely than girls to suffer from eating disorders, it does happen. Try to avoid saying negative things about your own weight and eating habits.
If it is simply a matter of you not being around to see your son do good things, find a way to change your schedule to put yourself in a situation to see him do something appropriate. You really do need to go out of your way to say “Good job!”
If you really think your son is not doing enough good things, you need to change that situation. This is true even if it means you orchestrate events to help him do something positive. It might be something as simple as doing his homework or taking his dishes to the sink after dinner. Starting small is the only way; from there your son will hopefully get a clue and start doing it on his own. Once he has a taste of praise he might find he likes it.
