Fear of Success
Sometimes teenagers do not live up to their full potential. This is an unfortunate fact. It is painful for all involved and certainly hard to watch, particularly when it is your son.
Perhaps you are not sure what you're looking for, but there is something that is just not quite right with your son. Do his grades not reflect what his test scores tell you they should be? Perhaps he has a secret passion he's not showing in school — that he loves to write poetry or play the violin — and yet is barely passing English class and refuses to join the orchestra.
He may be worried that getting good grades isn't cool, or perhaps he's afraid his friends will ditch him if he shows his true talents or brains. That is really a problem when you are trying to convince him otherwise. Sometimes your son wants to hide because of the special treatment that would call attention to him. He may be fearful that if he were to attempt to break out of his comfort zone and “go for it,” he might actually fail.
If you can get to the heart of why your son has a fear of doing well, you might have an easier time trying to solve this puzzle. Unfortunately, he may not even be able to give you a truthful answer, even if he wanted to do so. It is always easier to just stay where you are than to overcome inertia and change.
Sometimes using a rewards system can work well. Offer to send him to a special course that feeds into his talents or offer him some guitar lessons, if he meets certain criteria. The trick is to be realistic. You can't say that he has to bring his failing grades up to be straight A's. You might set a goal for something along the lines of a 3.0 each semester with no failures. That gives your son some wiggle room. He might get a D in math, but he may also bring up the rest of his grades to strive for that 3.0. Find a bargain that works well for him and remind him that later on, school is much different.
Essential
Remember that even if he doesn't succeed in school, or he isn't the captain of the football team or even on the team, your son does have something that he is good at. Your job is to find out what that something is and to praise him for it.
College is usually a great place for people who have been suffering from a fear of success in high school. College is a time to reinvent yourself and not worry about old stereotypes. It is a chance for your son to start fresh and make a new life for himself. The problem is that many times, if your son has been underperforming in high school, college can be difficult to get into or to get financial aid or scholarships for, so it can be a double-edged sword.
