Seeing Your Son as a Man
It doesn't seem like so long ago that your newborn baby was placed in your arms. Before you knew it, there was a toddler running around, and then suddenly your son was standing on a school bus waving goodbye. Now he's wearing a cap and gown and shaving — and preparing to go off and leave home.
You've spent approximately the last eighteen years nurturing your son. You've shown him what it means to be a man and a good person. You've argued about music, friends, schoolwork, and lots of other issues. Now he's ready to step out on his own.
Fact
Chronological age doesn't equal maturity. Some studies show that teen boys may mature a bit more slowly than their female counterparts, but in the end, remember that most teens who leave home do wind up doing all right despite the rough start.
You've given it your best shot. Don't look backward and think of things you could have done; focus on your great accomplishment — your son. As his parent, you get to watch him continue to grow and do great things.
Focus on the great job you've done, not the scary things that are potentially still out there. Know that you are always there for your son; more importantly, be sure that your son also knows that. Have a plan for what to do if he wants or needs help.
You and your son will learn to adjust to the new relationship, even if you see each other less frequently. This is not the end of the road for you and your son. It is merely a change in the relationship. If your son is going away to school or moving for a job, you will have to learn to stay in touch with each other. Thankfully, there are many really neat ways to do this, including:
E-mail
Blogging
Cell phones (with lots of free minutes)
Snail mail (but don't hold your breath!)
Alert
Don't let your son leave before discussing practicalities with him. Discuss where he will live and how he will pay rent. Since your son has never had to pay bills and utilities on his own, he may not realize everything he needs to do.
When the day comes for your son to leave, remember to focus on what's going on and not the emotions of it all. While you both feel the emotions, it is important to minimize them, because you are probably feeling a confusing mix of emotions. Help him move into the dorm or apartment, give him a big hug, and remind him that you are always there for him, no matter what. Then shut the door and go home, leaving your son to his bright future, where you will play a smaller but still vital part in his life.
