Conflict may seem to increase as your son gets older. This is his attempt to pull away and be on his own. The conflict and situations that arise from it are not pleasant for anyone.

The Ground Rules

While you may understand his need for independence, you probably don't enjoy fighting about it. Remind him that you aren't the enemy and that he doesn't need to fight you for the right to breathe.

As tensions rise, communications break down and emotions come into play. This is where it can get really nasty and ugly. The problem is that the love between you and your son makes everything seem worse.

Fighting fairly is important, but so is understanding. While using active listening skills, be sure you try to understand the situation from your son's perspective. This means you also get a chance to help him see your point of view as well.

Privileges Versus Rights

One of the biggest sources of conflict is something your son believes he deserves and sees as a right. The problem? You see it as a privilege that he hasn't yet earned.

A right is something that no bad behavior can take away. Rights include food, shelter, clothing, and other necessities. The ability to drive the family car is not a right, nor is money to go out with his friends. This is often a difficult lesson.

This is a discussion to have early and often so that your son understands the concept, though sometimes his emotions will take over and he will feel more inclined to actually ignore what his brain is saying. This is normal and to be expected.

The understanding of rights versus privileges will also help to resolve conflicts. This distinction makes it easier to explain your point of view, and it removes the emotion from the conflict when you boil it down to this simple issue. Your son will eventually learn to remove his emotions from the conflict.