Remember when your son was small and you mapped out everything he did? Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, you were his tour guide. The best part was that not only did he not complain, he loved it. Simply being with you was a treat, no matter what you did. Now that your son is a teen, chances are you couldn't find something cool to do if your life depended on it — at least in his eyes.

The Key Is Flexibility

You once dictated your son's interests. If you signed him up for soccer or football, he went. As your son started to get older, he probably expressed a preference — not football, just soccer, or soccer here and not there, please. He began to take control of his desires.

Now that your son is a teen, he may have even more to say about what he does. Talk to your son about the activities he wants to do and those he doesn't want to do. Then come up with an acceptable list of rules for choosing activities. Keep the following in mind when choosing:

• Distance from home

• Cost involved

• Skills required

• Time commitment

• Interference with schoolwork

Once you have mapped out the pros and cons of each activity, evaluate which activities are most likely to fit into his schedule. Both of you should be prepared to compromise.

Trying to Find Common Ground

Doing something you and your son both love is probably one of the easiest ways to spend time together. It also can help you when other forms of communication break down; at least you have your weekly golf game or trip to the movies. This can be a bit more difficult as your son grows up.

Since the goal is to find something to do together, you both need to be flexible. As the parent, you may be a bit more open to being flexible, and this can provide a great lesson for your son. One way to show this flexibility and a sense of adventure is to take turns planning things to do together. Before you get started, you may want to set up some ground rules together on these excursions. These rules might be that:

• The cost is under X amount of dollars.

• The excursion cannot involve ________________ (list restriction, might be physical limitations).

• There are geographical limitations.

You might try switching off every other month or every few weeks. This is an opportunity for you to try new things and spend time together.

When choosing activities, consider where you will be and what you will be doing. Will there be time to talk if desired? Will you be sitting and not interacting (movies) or moving around and chatting (hiking)? These are things to keep in mind when scheduling your weeks.