What Not to Do
When talking to your teen, there are a list of taboos that you will need to keep in mind. Most of them are common sense, and you follow them in your daily conversations with others, so they should not be too difficult to apply in conversations with your son.
One of the hardest parts of parenthood is putting your foot in your mouth. Sometimes you do this unknowingly, and other times you see it coming. Knowing what not to say to your son is just as important as knowing what to say and how to say it.
Alert
Sarcasm, as easy as it can be for some parents to use, is not an appropriate tool for dealing with your teen son. Statements can too easily be misunderstood, and you may inadvertently hurt your son's feelings or alienate him.
It is important to not make empty threats to your son. Don't tell him you'll take away his driving privileges for a month if you know perfectly well you will be unable to drive him to all of his activities. Mean exactly what you say; this is a part of consistent parenting.
Do not lie to your son. If you promise something, you had better be sure you can fulfill that promise. If you are unsure of something, be honest and say that to your son.
Don't overstate matters. If you give your son a compliment, be sure it is real. Only when you state the facts without embellishment will your son be able to believe you.
Your son may be sensitive to other subjects or conversational quirks. By listening to your son, you will be able to figure these things out. Noticing his comfort level and taking it into account are part of good parenting.
It isn't uncommon for parents to feel like they've expended a great deal of effort to get a short conversation out of their son. The problem is that parents frequently miss those golden opportunities to talk to their son.
These conversations are usually at inconvenient times. It might be late at night when you're tired or just as you're about to head out the door for an important meeting, but usually it's a case of bad timing that causes parents to overlook these great opportunities. If you recognize it is time for a talk and you have other responsibilities, see if you can delay your other responsibility. Simply say to your son, “I care and want to talk now, let me call in to let them know I'm running late.” This shows your son that you respect him and will take the time out but that you are also holding up your responsibilities.
Fact
Sometimes talking while on a walk or in a car is a perfect opportunity. You're physically present but not face to face, which can be intimidating to teens. This is a great way to get your son to open up with minimal effort.
Another reason parents miss great opportunities to talk is because they don't recognize them. Your son might say something that is, in a very small way, an invitation to talk. It may seem very innocent, like “How was your day?” It might be an action, such as if he's hanging around the kitchen while you're cooking, or sitting in the room with you while you're watching television.
Finding these small times can open up some of the best opportunities for you to talk to your son. The more you're aware of what they look like, the more likely you are to find them. Keeping the lines of communication open is key to your relationship with your son.
