Birth Order
Birth order is a way to help categorize your son's behavior and attitude based on where he was born in the family. Sex, age, and child spacing can influence birth-order effects. This can be very helpful to some parents and not so helpful to others.
Birth order defines one's personality and psychological relationships based on the rank and order of one's birth compared to one's siblings. This is to say that a firstborn child will be different from a second-born, purely because he is the firstborn. This has become a very popular theory in psychology.
You may read issues related to birth order and feel like someone has been spying on your home. You or your child may fit perfectly into the described behaviors and attitudes of your birth order. Other parents may look at birth order and find that it doesn't really hold true for their family. Either way, the information on how to deal with different personalities can be helpful, even if they don't match the order of birth.
The firstborn child is said to be the leader of the family. Traits and attitudes assigned to the first-born include:
Nervousness
High achievement
Aggressiveness
Rule-orientation
Detail-orientation
Parents supposedly worry more over a firstborn because of their status as new parents. They worry about everything and pressure their child to succeed.
Middle children are supposed to have more flexible personalities. They may be good communicators and negotiators because of their place between siblings. This gives them a unique perspective and a chance to mediate. A middle child may also learn to fight for the little person in life.
Fact
It is important to remember that not every child fits nicely into the categories defined by any theory. In the end you really have to get to know your own children to determine if this information is helpful to you in parenting.
The youngest child is the baby of the family. The baby may turn out to be a good friend and a charmer — but on the flip side, he may also manipulate to get what he wants.
Twins also are affected by birth order, though according to Clifford Isaacson, the actual order of birth is not as much of a factor here. The twin with the dominant personality must work harder to dominate a twin of the same skill sets.
Remember that these are just the basics. Birth order may not affect your children as much as others. Your children are individuals and should be treated as such.
Fact
Other adults in your son's life will also be role models for him. It is important to screen these people as much as possible. Try to enroll him in programs that have positive male role models.
Probably not a day goes by that you don't question whether you are meeting your goals. When you are talking about a teen boy, it is even more difficult to feel like you are hitting that good-parent mark. The truth is that being a good parent involves many different paths and ideas, and choosing which path is the hard part, particularly when you have to deal with the input of your teen. The easiest way to reach your teen is to be a good role model.
The stress of trying to be a role model weighs heavily on some people. This may make you feel like you simply can't be yourself around your child. Nothing could be further from the truth. Your child will love you no matter what you do, just as you will always love him.
If you want your son to grow up with the values and belief systems you possess, the easiest way to teach him those values is to show him what they look like in action. Show him you are a good friend by treating your own friends well. Show him you believe in your country by showing him how you participate in voting and political endeavors. Provide him with instructional mini-lessons in being a good person.
Essential
Learning the lingo your son uses online and in text messaging can help you be aware of what's going on and win you bonus points for being clued in. There are many sites available to help you figure out what's going on.
If you find that your son has different opinions, embrace them. Doing so can spark a healthy discussion, which may help both of you grow in your convictions, even if you do not share them. Change is not always fun, but it is necessary.
Mistakes happen. This is true for adults as well as kids. Simply because you are a parent doesn't mean you are immune from making mistakes. In fact, you might make more. The difference is how you handle them.
By acknowledging your mistakes and dealing with the consequences, you teach your son a very valuable lesson. He will see how a grownup responds to mistakes. He will see you took responsibility and tried to correct the problem. This is a very valuable lesson in the teen years, where the urge to cover up mistakes and ignore them is natural.
