Peer Pressure
Peer pressure is a fact of life. Anytime we are around others, there is peer pressure. Sometimes this pressure is unspoken. Even if no one says anything to him, your son may feel pressure to act or dress a certain way simply because he watches how his peers act or dress. Peer pressure can also be expressed in words, and it's this form of pressure that parents think of when they hear the phrase.
Peer pressure takes many different forms. It can be a positive influence that says, “Hey, I know you're a smart guy — why aren't you getting good grades like we are?” Or it can be the negative version of, “If you weren't such a baby you'd smoke like the rest of us. Are you afraid?”
There are tricks that teenagers use to influence each other, and they can take the form of praise, putdowns, and verbal assaults.
Peer pressure is not always a bad thing. It can help your son learn the social norms for a particular group. Think about the first meeting of a sports or academic team. Your son hangs back long enough to figure out where everyone else is going and mimics their behavior. This is unspoken but teaches your son the expected behaviors.
Fact
Get your son involved in charity work. This can help teach him the value of giving, and he can learn firsthand how good it feels to be a part of something positive.
Your son may also find that he is in a group that exerts peer pressure in a positive way. It may be that his group of friends all get good grades. Your son can be influenced by this in order to stay in the good graces of the group.
The point of peer pressure is to get someone to change his behavior. This can be positive or negative. People cave in to peer pressure for a variety of reasons that include:
Worries about social status
Inability to make a decision
Fear
Desire to avoid hurt feelings
Desire to appear mature
To learn to avoid peer pressure that makes him feel uncomfortable, your son needs some practice. Role-playing and pointing out various situations can work really well. Your son may have trouble believing that anyone he knows would try to encourage him to do something that wasn't right.
Essential
It is imperative that you teach your son to have a plan to recognize and deal with peer pressure. This will help him when the situation arises so that it need not be a crisis for him.
Your son needs to learn to be assertive in turning someone down. He shouldn't bother being aggressive or loud; this will only incite the other party. Teach him that a confident, firm stance will help him immensely. Should he find that a certain group is constantly pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do, he will need to decide if it is worth the effort to maintain the friendships.
