Friends
Friends are an important part of life. Your son will learn to relate to others outside of his family through his relationships with close friends.
You should teach your son to choose his friends wisely from an early age. You can accomplish this by talking to him about the characteristics you value in your friends. Your son will also observe your friends and your relationships with them for himself. As he gets older, talk to him about what he values in his friends. Let him articulate the qualities he looks for in his friends.
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Your son needs to learn how to cultivate friendships. This can take some practice, and you can encourage him to talk through his frustrations and work matters out.
Once your son has a list of qualities that he wants in his friends, ask him about his current friends. Do they have these qualities? What qualities does he like about his current friends? Friendships will help teach him conflict resolution and loyalty only if his friends have these qualities. If your son can't list the qualities, help him out.
If you think your son's friends do not embody the characteristics you would like to find in a friend, try to help him reach a conclusion himself. You might ask your son what he sees in a certain friend. If he says loyalty, ask him to define loyalty and whether the friend's actions line up with that definition.
If you find that your son has gotten mixed up in a crowd or with a friend that doesn't have the qualities you deem acceptable, talk to your son first. Ask him to remind you about what he looks for in a friend. He may actually see these qualities in the friends that you don't like.
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Getting to know the other parents can be a very helpful tool. Denise Witmer of
It is usually easier to try to have your son around people you think are better friends for him. There are some guidelines to helping your son establish good friendships:
Control situations with kids you're not sure of. Invite them over instead of letting your son go out.
Be careful about making disparaging remarks about his friends; he may become defensive and less likely to see your point.
Distinguish between activities and people when dealing with your dislikes as a parent.
Give him more time, freedom, and money to be around kids you approve of.
If your son's friends are endangering his life in any immediate way or are engaging in illegal behaviors, you should do your best to ensure they stay separate.
Inhibiting your son from hanging with his friends can create a rift in your relationship. Overlook those friends who are nothing more than nuisances. He'll grow out of them. However, if participation in a negative peer group leads him toward drug abuse, early sexual activity, violence, or other unwanted behaviors, it's time to intervene. Help him find another group. It's easier for him to give up the negative group if there is another group to join. Being part of a group is critical during the teen years — your son will not want to be the odd man out.
