Friends Who Are Girls
Your son may have relationships with girls who he claims are only friends. Do not jump to conclusions and assume he is not telling the truth. There are plenty of boy/girl friendships that are purely friendships.
The good news about your son having friends who are girls is that it enables him to have a “safe” relationship without the pressure of sex looming overhead at all times. His friend is someone he can safely ask questions of and learn from about how girls feel and think.
One of the problems with friends who are girls is hooking up. This is an easy way of having a sexual relationship with a girl, supposedly without the strings of a relationship. Talk to your son about his choices and respect for others.
One issue that can arise is that sometimes these opposite-sex friendships wind up with at least one person desiring a physical relationship. This person may or may not be your son. It is important to talk to your son and teach him about issues like this in friendship and how it can affect the friendship.
If your son is in a relationship like this, talk to him about his options for dealing with the situation. Does he have the crush? If so, he needs to decide if it is best to talk to his friend about his feelings. If he decides it is important to him to let her know, he must have a game plan. What does he want to say? When and how should he say it? Some role-playing with you might be a great way to help him prepare, though he may reject this idea.
You should also explain to him what the benefits and the risks are for this disclosure. He needs to understand that this may ultimately be the end of their friendship. This can happen whether she rejects him outwardly or not. Even if she says “no” to something more than friendship, the friendship may sour from there.
Can guys and girls be friends?
Some argue that the laws of physical attraction will always win, and males will want a physical relationship. However, there are plenty of successful male/female relationships that do not get physical.
The same is true if the roles are reversed, and she is the one who has the more intense feelings for your son. She may decide to talk to your son about her feelings and he may or may not accept. But the friendship may ultimately be in danger, even if they agree they can deal with it.
The one big problem is when either party decides to stay friends, but then uses the other's feelings as power. Your son must understand that using these feelings to his advantage is wrong. It is emotional abuse and should not be tolerated. He may be the abuser or abused in this situation. In either situation, counseling is always recommended.