Dating Violence
Dating violence is an issue you need to raise with your son. Dating violence can be the emotional, physical, or sexual abuse of a dating partner.
Studies show that one in three women have been victims of violence at the hands of their dates. This is a huge problem for your son, because he needs to be sure that he is not one of the abusers. Such violence is rarely reported because teens have little experience with intimate relationships and don't know how to respond to problems.
It is more likely to happen if your son is showing some of the following signs:
Jealousy
A need to control his date
Keeping her away from friends or peers
Problems with anger
Violent behavior at home or school
Other emotional issues
Previous threatening or violent behavior
If your son has problems like this, he should seek help before dating. If you learn of such behavior after the fact, then seek help immediately. Your son needs your help to identify this problem if he is experiencing trouble because he may not see it as an issue.
Date rape and other forms of sexual violence are not about sex. They are about power over someone else. In an attempt to control or exert power over someone else, sexual acts are often used.
Fact
Talking to your son about dating violence is very important. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention offer a free brochure to aid you in these discussions at
One of the best things that you can teach your son is that “no” means no. This goes for his voice and the voice of those he dates. This is not just about sexual intercourse but anything. He should know that he should never be forced to do something he does not want to do, and that he should never force anyone into doing something he or she doesn't want to do.
Role-playing can be very helpful with this type of lesson. Show him what “no” can look like, because it can take on many different forms. Teach him to look for the “no,” even when he wants to see the “yes.” Things like flirtatious behavior and scantily clad bodies are not invitations to have sex. While there may be a lot of peer pressure to have sex, it is okay not to “score.”
Alert
Rape and sexual assault do not happen only to women. One in ten men is raped. Your son is at risk and needs to know how to protect himself.
It is also important that your son understand that if a girl is drunk or high or otherwise unable to consent to sex, then it is rape. This is true even if your son is also intoxicated. It does not matter if he didn't know she was intoxicated. Rape-proof your son. Teach him that if a girl says “no” or acts like she doesn't want to have sex, he should stop. If she is hesitant, he should stop. If either of them has been drinking, he shouldn't have sex with her. It is not worth the risk to him.
