Even if you have made a point of raising a good listener, there are always a few times when even the best-trained child does not hear her mom or dad. Most often that happens when your little girl had a bad day. Maybe it was filled with all sorts of frustrations. Suddenly she does something she has never done before. She throws a fit — otherwise known as a tantrum. These emotional eruptions can come out of nowhere. These outbursts can be frustrating and draining for the parents, but with consistency, determination, and understanding, even the worst tantrums can be overcome.

Tantrums

Tantrums can come on suddenly and seemingly for no apparent reason. But you, the with-it and well-prepared parent, will know how to handle the situation. Again, as in most parental quandaries, once you know what a tantrum is and why it occurs, you have practically disarmed it. A tantrum is most often described as an outburst of bad temper. Your normally sweet little girl throws herself on the floor, yells for no reason, and bangs her head against the wall.

According to Kay Albrecht, executive director of Heartshome Early Learning Center, temper tantrums erupt because the toddler cannot express herself as well as she would like to even though her vocabulary can be quite large at that time, consisting of up to 300 words. What makes parents especially frustrated is that no matter how many times they tell their child to stop having a tantrum, even when they raise their voice, she will not. Later, when they ask their little girl what that was all about, she probably is not able to tell them because she has been on frustration overload. So understand that this is a tough time for your girl and for you, but never lose your own temper.

It is best to ignore a tantrum when it occurs at home. Just steel yourself, go about your work, and ignore the little tantrum thrower. Or you can try to talk to your little girl, and tell her, “I know you're upset because you can't have a Popsicle right now. When you're through being upset, come and sit with me, and we'll discuss it.”

But when the tantrum occurs in a public place, ignoring it won't work. Therefore a different method has to be used. If her temper outburst happens while you are shopping at the grocery store or when you are walking in the park together, do the following:

• Stop whatever you are doing and take your daughter home immediately. You may have to carry her — kicking and screaming — to the car. Do it anyway.

• When she has calmed down, tell her that she will have to stay home from now on when you go shopping or walking.

• Then do exactly what you said — leave her at home the next time, well supervised of course. That may cause another tantrum, which you calmly ignore.

In a few weeks, try another outing with her. Usually one or two harsh changes of plans will cure the problem, especially if you are watchful and immediately take her home again at the slightest sign of another outburst. Think of a temper tantrum as a weed sprouting in your garden. If it dares to crop up between your prized tomato plants or show roses, you will root it out immediately. Your little daughter has to learn how to act and express herself without causing an uproar, and the sooner the better.

Time-Outs

Many parents prefer using time-outs with toddlers who have tantrums or refuse to listen. The concept of the time-out is that the toddler will stop what she is doing — literally take “time out” from her activity — and have to think about the bad or inappropriate behavior she has just displayed. What is great about time-outs is that they are easily adaptable to any location. All you need is a chair, a corner, or a sofa. When your daughter has a tantrum, have her sit in the designated time-out spot you have chosen and stay there until you tell her that her time-out is over.

The instigation of the time-out concept is a time to make another paradigm shift. The first shift you made was when your daughter was born, and you went from looking after one — yourself — to looking after two — her and you. Now you need to step back and take charge by combining what is best for her with imbuing in her trust in you as a parent and by trusting yourself.

Some parents recommend a minute of time-out for every year of age. Two or three minutes can seem like a very long time for your child to sit by herself and usually has an effect on her. Although it may take a long period for the time-outs to work, your little girl will catch on if this consequence is carried out consistently. A haphazard use of time-outs will achieve nothing, but using the same chair or corner every time and making the time-outs last longer will bring results. When your girl gets older, she can go to her room, but for now when you send her to her room, you or someone else needs to accompany her. Take something interesting to read with you.

Trust Parenting Instincts

During this frustrating phase of raising your girl, you need to trust yourself. You have already come so far in raising this precious human being. Now build on that trust and stay strong. Gone are the early days when your little girl was like an appendage to you. Now she is coming more and more into her own, and it is you who must cut the cord. Take over and stop feeling bad when your little girl gets disagreeable; this is not about you. It is her attempt to learn how to grow up and thrive. With each new skill she masters, she feels productive and proud. Do not stand in her way by denying her new achievements. Allow her to conquer all the challenges of being a toddler. She will make so much progress, with you being loving and firm and expecting the best results in a timely manner.