Talk therapy is very popular, not only on TV but also in the offices of people trained for it. You are also trained for it. Since your girl was little, you have been talking to her regularly, and not just about her chores and grades, but also about her wishes and hopes. Instead of talking to, and with, her less as she gets older, talk to her more. It is therapeutic for both of you.

She and you can reveal what is bothering you. So up the ongoing talk time with your daughter and don't stop. If she is close-mouthed, find an unthreatening topic to chat about, such as a silly TV reality show. Have fun talking with her about your history. Share the story of when you first liked a girl or boy. Mention your quirky behavior when you were her age.

One Time My Sister …

If you cannot talk about yourself, tell your girl about your brother or sister or childhood friends, and how they tried to get a girl or boy interested in them way back when. Exaggerate! The more hilarious the stories are, the better she'll like them. When your girl laughs with you, she momentarily forgets that she has decided not to talk to you anymore. So get her grinning and keep at it. Talk about the end result of the important growth stage she is going through. It will be worth it before long. The successful mastery of one stage of development leads to more success in the future. Chit-chat with your girl, or have serious conversations with her. Another time communicate by phone, through texting, picture-sharing, e-mailing, or via notes that end with a question, such as “What do you think of … ?”

Terrific Tweens

Without a doubt, you are the most important factor in the equation. Your example, attitude, and determination to make the tween years ten times better for your girl than they were for you are what matters. You are an involved parent, so dig into the topic of preadolescence, research how other parents handle this time, and start an e-mail or texting conversation with other moms and dads. Make sure the tween stage is not a time when your daughter slips through the cracks, but rather a time when she gets as much attention as possible.

Jesse Jackson once said, “Your children need your presence more than presents.” He was right. Your girl always needs you more than any gifts you can buy her, no matter how extravagant. But she needs you especially during her preadolescence as she is trying to enter her teenage years that bring with them even more exciting changes, challenges, and conquests.