To assert her ever-increasing independence, your daughter must put a measure of distance between herself and you. That is a good development. Welcome it. On days when your daughter is easy to guide and when she listens to every word you have to offer with appreciation, you feel gratified. On other days when she seems to develop strange tastes and goes for idol worshiping that is foreign to you, you may feel that whatever you tell her falls on deaf ears. Yet never retreat and pout when your daughter impatiently tells you, “I know, I know. You've told me about this a million times.” Just smile and say, “Sorry, I guess I was having a teenage moment.” You are of course referring to the many times you told her to put her jacket away only to have to tell her again the next day.

Culture Change

Each generation of parents has faced the turning and turbulent world of the next generation. Technology, culture, and fashions change constantly, so smile at the latest trends and share your most important values with your daughter. Ask her to make a list of her own emerging values — whatever she treasures as she advances through her teens.

Encourage her to categorize them under topics such as activities, things, people, ideas, and beliefs. Share with her your own list, and ask her to tack hers up on her bulletin board as a point of reference. She can add to it as she continues to emerge as the successful girl she is in the process of becoming. That means she is getting more and more able to circumvent any trouble spots and to take on more responsibility.

Culture Cornerstone

Every day your daughter is growing and learning to earn trust, keep trust, and if need be, re-earn trust — with you always close enough to help her. Instill in your daughter the unwavering certainty that amid whatever changes she goes through emotionally and physically as a teenager, you are her permanent post of encouragement and safety. You are her hand-rail and her first and best support system — always available and never closed.