Clashes and Challenges
The special relationship between a mother and daughter is primal, the first one the daughter experiences. As she matures, the daughter starts focusing more on her friends and later perhaps on men, but her original love connection is always with her mother. After all, she receives so much from her mom — food, shelter, and nurturing, to name just a few things. From babyhood on, a girl also consciously or subconsciously patterns herself after her mother in speech, mannerisms, and other means of expression. Of course that can cause clashes and challenges.
One of the most common problems between mothers and daughters is the fight over control. The daughter feels that the mother is always trying to control her, and the mother has trouble accepting her little girl as an independent adult. Also many mothers are not sure of who they are and how they feel about who they are as people, so they focus all their energies on the person their daughter is turning out to be. A mother who is secure and comfortable as a person will be a better role model for a daughter than a mother who is constantly badgering a daughter to improve herself.
Fact
In recent years the term matrophobia has cropped up frequently in literature. It denotes the quite common fear of a young woman of growing up to be just like her mother. Often this is the flip side of a little girl thinking of her mom as a diva until she gets older and starts thinking of her mom as a total disaster.
Two headstrong women who are only one generation apart can come to many disagreements and end up in a battle based on control and rebellion. Remember: What worked for you does not always work for your daughter, but you must set a pattern early on of quickly settling any disagreements with your daughter. This pattern should include compromising, laying out the pros and cons of a decision she has to make, and admitting it when you were wrong.
Resolve Clashes
The more often the process of conflict resolution between you and your daughter occurs, the smoother the relationship. But even then difficulties can arise. One major stumbling block is the silent treatment. Ditch it at all costs. Silence does nothing but erect a wall, or an abyss, between you and your girl. Keep communicating even if your daughter turns mum. If you are afraid of opening your mouth for fear of saying something to her you will regret later, turn to a note pad, your computer, or simply text message.
In fact, by writing down what is on your mind, you have a chance to examine the words before you show or send them to your daughter. When you speak, the thought process is often minimal because words can fly out of your mouth. But the simple act of committing your thoughts to a sheet of paper, a computer screen, or a cell phone screen slows down the flow of verbiage. So the message sent will be reduced in harshness.
Essential
Receiving a text from their parents is preferable to receiving a phone call from them by many teenagers because — without a voice being involved and due to the shorter length — it tends to be less intense, less emotional, and less demanding.
