Bonding Activities
Mothers and daughters can have more fun than any other two-somes because they have a common history, tend to think alike, and may have many similar passions. Find out what your girl gets excited about and share in her excitement. There are so many opportunities for you two to do that. You can discuss with her turning your household “greener” by stepping up your recycling, reusing, and donating efforts. You can go shopping together at the grocery store, the antique shops, and the flea markets. You can stretch, work out, run, or walk the dog together. Afterward you can eat out, or search through the cookbooks and try cooking the most mouthwatering dishes, even some low-cal desserts. You can splurge and head for a day spa for mother-daughter manicures and pedicures, or do housework together until you are ready to drop. You could treat each other to a sauna and sweat buckets like marathon runners, dip into the ice-cold dunking pool together, or have a relaxing massage.
Just ask your daughter what would make her happy and incorporate her wishes into your week, month, or vacation time as much as you can. Zero in on her interests and yours. If they are not compatible, follow your heart's desires as individuals, then meet up and talk about what each of you did, saw, and experienced. Every day work on that wonderful bond you have with your girl. It takes a little effort — sure, but how nice that you have the chance to do it. Therefore, fashion the bond with your best intentions, efforts, and the sweat of your brow and your soul. Give your girl all the goodness in you that you can muster.
Essential
Keep in mind that the happiest times for you and your daughter come from being active or going through a process together. “One of the biggest stumbling blocks for women is thinking happiness is something you can reach out and grab,” advises Angie Speranza, who works as a life coach and is based in New York City.
Skills for Connecting with Your Daughter
A daughter's bond with her mother is one of the deepest, most enduring relationships she will experience in her lifetime. It should also be one of the healthiest and most supportive. Here are some suggestions for building a strong, loving connection with your girl:
Listen and observe. Good mothers are willing to spend time just listening and watching. Ask “what” and “how” questions to draw your daughter out. Let her finish her thoughts before offering suggestions or advice.
Spend time just being together. Relationships require time. You must be willing to hang out, play, and do things face-to-face with your daughter. Have at least fifteen minutes a day that belong just to your daughter.
Respond to your daughter's cues. When she says, “I can do it myself, Mom!” teach the necessary skills, be sure she's safe, and allow her to try. Skills and experience build self-esteem.
Be curious about her interests. If your daughter loves an activity, sharing her enthusiasm is a wonderful way to build connection. Watch her favorite sport with her; admire the new pair of jeans she bought or the new painting she made. Understanding your daughter's world will keep you connected.
Know her friends. There is no better way to learn about your daughter than to watch her at play with her friends. As your daughter grows, welcome her friends into your home. If she can bring her life to you, she is less likely to feel the need to hide it from you.
Respect her privacy. Even little girls need time to themselves. Your daughter may choose to play alone in her room from time to time, or to disappear into her computer games or iPod headphones. You can show her that you care and still respect her need for private space.
Provide kind, firm discipline and don't be afraid to follow through. “Wait till your father gets home” doesn't work. Learn effective discipline skills; then be willing to set limits and follow through.
Be sensitive about touch, especially in public. Hugs are wonderful, but sometimes public affection may make your daughter uncomfortable, especially in the later tween years when her friends may tease her if they see her being openly affectionate toward you. Respecting her needs will keep the connection between you relaxed and open.
Girls need connection with their mothers. Your knowledge of your daughter will help you know when she welcomes a hug and when she does not. It is a delicate balancing act, but time and love will teach you how to stay connected to your daughter at the same time that you encourage her to exercise her independence.
Mom as a Foundation
Think far ahead as you parent your daughter. Consider her in the years to come and how — in all likelihood — she may experience some pain, some tragedy, and some heartbreak.
Alert
Do not agonize too much or too long over the current terrorist situation, the wars overseas, or the possibility of theft or some other crime occurring to your daughter. Concentrate on the now. Teach her how to be strong and smart and self-sufficient and able to bounce back from any mishaps should they come her way.
It is inevitable that she will face her share of losses. Even you may not be able to prevent them from happening to your daughter at some point in her life. But you can ease her disappointments and dim, divert, or alert her about many of them. Be sure to give your girl the certainty that whatever will happen, the two of you can deal with it.
You want your girl to be willing to take risks, determined to be herself, and devoted to doing good things in this world. You want her to have everything she yearns for, and so much more. Be strong and solid as a rock for your daughter, and help alleviate her worst times by being her support. In return, you will feel empowered that you were able to pass on to her the gift of your strength. You want so much for your daughter to grow up to be independent, strong willed, and kind. Help her on her way with empowerment, energy, and endless love.
