Co-Parenting
Some parents decide to co-parent their daughter. They have joint custody and pass her and her care and supervision back and forth. Just as in an Olympic relay race, one runner passes the baton smoothly to the next; the winning team usually does best because their switch-over technique and progress overall are flawless.
If you and your ex have joint custody of your daughter, you must be a united front in your quest for victory in the parenting of your girl. As she travels back and forth between your homes, she needs to have similar rules in place in both environments. Schedule a parental planning meeting as often as possible. Or agree to the rules via e-mail, phone chats, and texting. Your daughter can benefit from growing up in two homes just as she could live half a year in the United States and the other half on another continent. It is possible that — as a consequence — her horizon and her understanding of the world will far surpass that of other girls her age. Her exposure to other educational systems and her vacillating from one city to another — as her home base — can also benefit her academically. She may astound you with how well she adapts. Children are amazing in the way they make the best of their traveling parental arrangements.
Your daughter can succeed, just as long as you make sure that:
She knows she is the most important thing in your life, whether you are with her every day or only every other week.
She has a warm and lively connection with you that can never be severed, via daily e-mails, phone chats, texting, skyping, and snail mail.
She is empowered as much as possible to have a say in how and with which parent she wants to spend some of her vacations and free time. Your hurt feelings — should she prefer her other biological parent — have no place here — none.
When you remarry, you dream of having a second chance to have a wonderful family with your daughter riding on the crest of the new wave of happiness. Your dream can come true, but only if one step — “fragment” — fits into place at a time. Expecting grownups and kids who do not share a blood relationship or a history to feel lovey-dovey immediately is unrealistic, but every day that is filled with thoughtful parenting will bring all of you closer.
