Dating 101
The time when your daughter starts dating can be the most wonderful stage in her life yet, and it will be — count on it — once you get her on a great footing. She will have good experiences because she has you to launch her on the path to realizing her dating dreams. Indeed it is you who makes all the difference here. Being too harsh or forbidding, or too lenient or lax, is a recipe for disaster.
You need to think about teenage dating not with dread but with joy and get some clarity on the topic first. Discuss it with a suitable person — the other parent, a relative with older girls, or other parents of girls. You cannot skip getting ready for your daughter's dating when she is getting ready to start. Begin early in your girl's life to spell out to her what dating is, what the rules at your house are, and what exactly you expect from her in this regard.
Dating Groundwork
Dating for your girl is like a great rehearsal that lasts a few years. She gets to practice having a boyfriend and going through all the excitement this stage of development brings with it: the joy, the excitement, the heart beating faster, hers and yours. Before she starts dating, you'll want her to learn three basic lessons:
How to respect herself and the person she is dating.
How to date — and know what the parameters of dating are.
How to always protect herself and keep from getting hurt.
The groundwork for these lessons has to be laid before your daughter goes on her first date. If you allow her to sally forth without a plan and without having prepared yourself and her, you are sending her into the dating wilderness, so to speak, without a road map. Do not even wait until the topic comes up. Work on some dating guidelines ahead of time. Some guidelines for you might include:
Be clear about your values and communicate them to your daughter.
Answer her questions directly and honestly.
Make sure that you don't stop talking when she says, “I know.” Ask her what she knows and go from there.
Be persistent. Without your messages, your daughter will have no direction and may flounder in the dating scene.
A good way to start is to ask your daughter what her definition of dating is. No matter what she says, be sure to point out to her that dating is not sex. There is a big difference. Dating is going out with someone, having a good time, and learning more and more about the person. Some people call it a character-building experience, during which teenagers learn how to deal with various situations together.
Essential
Parents should never “fall in love” with their daughter's boyfriends and invest too much attention, time, and care into building a friendship with them. Also they should not judge a boy by his looks, nor should they push their daughter into a relationship just to be popular.
For your daughter to reap the benefits of dating, you'll want to avoid overreacting when she mentions for the first time that a boy asked her out. Also put the following questions completely out of your mind:
Is this boy right for her?
Are they going to get married at age seventeen?
Is my daughter going to mess up her life?
There is no need to panic when your daughter mentions dating because you have done your homework, with the help of all the resources that are available to you.
