Your Girl's Privacy Versus Her Safety
Your daughter considers her room her castle, with herself being the princess. She is right. Naturally you want her to have a haven at home where she can fling off her school clothes, plop down, and simply relax. She needs a private space where she can play her favorite music, chill out, and regroup. In many ways, her room is like her diary — for her to have as her own, and for you to be admitted to — now and then — but only if you ask her permission.
Home Rules
Your daughter will have no trouble telling you what she considers an invasion of her privacy. Find out what she wants you to do in regard to entering her room by asking her to fill you in. Most girls and their parents can — after discussion — come to the following understanding, or a similar one:
When the door is open, the parent should feel free to walk in.
When the door is closed, the parent should knock and wait for an answer.
When the parent enters, he or she should not snoop.
Since it takes time to build trust, do not break it by disregarding her rules. There are some parents who cannot wait for their daughter to leave for school so that they can rifle through her dresser drawers and closet, pry into her journal, read her e-mail, and poke through her purses. Do not join that group.
Rewrite the Rules
As long as you feel you can count on your girl, abide by her privacy rules and respect her wishes. But when she refuses to talk to you about behavior that worries you and after you have tried several times in a calm and respectful way to discuss her conduct, you may be forced to invade her privacy. You really may have to take a closer look at her possessions. If you find something that concerns you, talk to your girl about it. Admit what you did, tell her why you did it, and assure her that together you can find a solution to the problem. Assure your daughter that she can tell you anything — the fewer secrets the better. Never forget: She depends on you to be safe, to become the best she can be, and to progress rather than be waylaid by problems.
