Self-Esteem Building via Dad
It is crucial that you help build your daughter's self-esteem. Low self-esteem can undermine your daughter's desire to achieve, affect her negatively throughout life, and may lead to depression. Even if she turns out to become a high achiever, the question is how much more she could have achieved with her self-esteem at the highest level.
Fortunately, these days the number of fathers trying to do their best by their daughters is increasing even though they may have trouble with the issues of personal relationships.
Fact
American suffragist and social reformer Elizabeth Cady Stanton (1815–1902) said her father hurt her by his lack of pride in her. In contrast, Rev. William V. Guy, father of actress Jasmine Guy, and Fred Turner, father of Miss America Debbye Turner, are outspokenly proud of their daughters. So is President Obama, as is clearly evident by the time he puts in with his two girls.
A Father's Challenge
In the book Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, psychologist Michael Thompson refers to the challenging gender gap between mothers and sons that can translate later into a man's problematic emotional existence.
Fathers of girls, however, face an even more challenging gender gap when trying to connect with their daughters, according to school psychologist Dr. JoAnn Deak. In her book, Girls Will Be Girls, she points out that mothers, being women, are generally better prepared in relationship skills for their parenting jobs. In contrast, men as fathers do not have the best emotional equipment for their task of raising a girl and may have to struggle with it. But what a great payoff they reap by making an effort.
A Father's Choice
By making a deliberate effort, you can overcome your own parents' child-rearing shortcomings and build a loving and lasting relationship with your daughter. The decision to commit to making a connection with your daughter is all you need to get started. Your presence and uniqueness will guide you in the right direction. All you have to do is be yourself and be willing to share a part of yourself.
Essential
You should never tell your daughter that she is eating too much or getting fat, even if you are just trying to be helpful. You should not focus on her looks and refer to her physical characteristics. Instead, you should focus on her achievements and praise her for them.
Your strengths can show themselves in many ways, such as:
If you are inclined to be funny, be goofy with your daughter, play silly games with her, and make her laugh.
If you like to tell stories, start telling her a tale of adventure — or read one to her — that has many installments, one of which you can narrate to her daily over the course of weeks or months.
If you are the quiet type, ask your daughter to tell you the names of all her stuffed toys and fill you in on the background of each one.
If you like to sing, ask her to teach you the songs she learns at school and sing along with her.
Whatever your personality, you can use it to strengthen your bond with your daughter. She will appreciate all your attempts, especially if you establish a pattern in your interactions with her and are reliable and trustworthy, so that she can learn to be reliable and trustworthy too.
Even if you are a very busy man, make time for your daughter. If you have little free time, you can include your girl whenever you do your chores at home. She can splash in the lawn sprinkler while you do yard work, ride in the wheelbarrow when you transport the raked leaves to the curb, or run to the post office with you.
Even when your daughter becomes a preteen and teen, she needs to spend time with you on a regular basis. You should never take “Leave me alone!” as a signal that you're no longer needed by your daughter. You should take it for what it is — a temporary breather in your girl's dependence on you.
The more time you devote to spending with your girl, the more her confidence rises. The most important man in her life prefers her company. That makes her feel important not only in your eyes — and the world's — but also in her own. Yet besides raising your daughter's self-esteem, you play another crucial role in the development of your daughter.
