Role Modeling: Your Daughter's Boyfriends

You are the role model for the types of boys your daughter may become attracted to. Through your behavior and actions, she will learn two important things that may affect her happiness for the rest of her life.

  • Which male characteristics to rate highly, treasure, and try to find in a potential boyfriend.

  • Which male characteristics to rate poorly, trounce, and be sure to avoid in a potential boyfriend.

  • Besides getting firsthand knowledge about a man's good and not-so-good qualities, your girl will also get her first introductory lesson in the possibilities of romantic love between a man and a woman by watching how you treat her mother.

    Therefore, you should not only exhibit your best side in front of your daughter but also in front of your mate. When you treat the mother of your girl like a queen, your daughter feels like a princess. When you compliment the mother, you compliment the daughter. When you praise the mother, you extol the daughter.

    The same goes for how you treat your own mother. If you make it a point to be loving around her and your wife, your daughter learns that a man is supposed to be loving, how he shows that love appropriately, and what she needs to expect from a future mate.

    Essential

    You and your mate should spend as much time in your roles of husband and wife, or as a couple, as feasible. Making your relationship as solid and as permanent as you can helps your daughter realize that a good and lasting relationship is possible. This will become a top goal for her future.

    Whenever possible, you should show your love to the mother of your girl by expressing your fond feelings through cards, flowers, and notes left around the house. Flowing from that might be a special surprise for your daughter (such as tucking her favorite snack into her lunch box), your compliments to her about her abilities (such as remarking about her keeping her room neat), and your recognition of her talents (such as displaying her artwork in your office).

    Practicing Daughter

    When a girl begins to relate to her father as a male-gendered adult, she needs him to be her guinea pig. Therefore you should let her show her daughter-dad love by letting her brush your hair, “criticize” your clothes, and bring you the mail when you get home from work. She needs to practice how to make a connection to the future males in her life.

    Role-Modeling Mother

    The mother should do her part as well in building a good father-daughter relationship by praising your outstanding qualities, by showing the daughter a photo of herself and you when you two met, and by telling your girl what makes you special and what attracted her to you in the first place. Thus, the father-daughter relationship — realized in its rich potential — can offer great benefits to every member of the family.

    Alert

    In families where there are both girls and boys, make sure you do not invest more time and energy in the relationship with your sons than in the relationship with your daughters. If daughters are relegated to a second-class status, they will never forget it, and the sons will grow up to perpetuate the unfairness.

    Through your daily actions and attempt to understand your daughter you will show her that you love her unconditionally. Plus, you will instruct her in how a fine man acts. Your example of masculinity is something she will use as a measuring stick in her future relationships with other males. If she has been taught well, she will do her best to find a good mate. You can help her in this by encouraging her early boyfriends to come to the house. As she gets older, you can instill in her the fact that she should expect chivalry from boys, the same kind of chivalry you always show her mother. You also must make certain that she will know when she is not treated well.

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