Sexual Abuse
It can be upsetting to read about sexual abuse, but it is an unfortunate fact that some children who are adopted from orphanages or the foster care system may have been victims of sexual abuse or witnesses to it. Those who have been abused are at greater risk of becoming offenders themselves as teens or adults, so intervention and therapy is critical.
Being aware of your child's history and knowing what to watch for are powerful tools for preventing or mitigating abuse.
Sexual abuse ranges from a perpetrator engaging a child in play that involves touching a child's genitals or other private areas and coaxing him to touch his or hers to full penetration. Older children and teens sometimes abuse younger children, especially if they're in a dysfunctional home or institution together. Such children were likely abused themselves as preschoolers or toddlers.
Suspect that your child has been molested in some way if he:
Has nightmares about things coming at him
Is withdrawn and anxious
Uses explicitly sexual behaviors, such as inappropriate touch or gestures to get what he wants
Young children are naturally curious about their bodies and physical differences, but their curiosity is benign, more along the lines of “You show me yours and I'll show you mine” that occurs, under normal circumstances, around age five or six. This is nothing to be concerned about. This age also plays “doctor,” but touching or acting out is a sign of problems and should be evaluated by a therapist right away.
If you know, suspect, or have evidence that your child has been molested, don't be afraid to touch him in appropriate ways. Part of your parenting role is to help him understand the difference between the hugs, pats, and affection that happen in attached families and the inappropriate touch that was forced on him. A good therapist can help you learn exactly how to approach your child and gradually help him understand good touch.
Like any good parent, you bathe and clean your little children. If your toddler or preschooler has been molested, be very gentle when you bathe or wipe his bottom. Use a spray to clean him after toileting, rather than your hands, until you've established trust. Also, discuss the situation with your pediatrician or therapist.
After learning about the sexual abuse of your adopted child, you might be nervous about providing normal care for her. Don't worry; just teach good hygiene by describing what you are doing. For example, “I'm wiping off all the poopie so your bottom doesn't get sore.” When your child graduates out of diapers, have her take over the actual washing while you supervise.
You will need all of your emotional strength to deal with a child who has been sexually abused — don't try to do it alone. Your child's spirit and emotions have been devastated, and such wounds heal much more slowly than broken bones or torn muscles.
All too often, helpless victims turn into perpetrators, sometimes as young as eight or nine. When they become physically strong enough to exercise control over younger children, they may begin to act out.
Be concerned if your elementary-aged child sneaks away to be alone with a preschool- or toddler-aged child. Always supervise play and interactions; never leave a newly adopted or foster child alone with a younger child until you are confident about whether or not inappropriate activities will occur.
Also important to supervision is clear, ongoing communication about relationships, trust, and responsibility. If you know, or suspect, that your child has been sexually abused, get him into therapy and don't put him in unsupervised situations where he would have the opportunity to offend.
