Preparing Existing Children
Bringing a new child into an existing family through adoption is different than bringing one in through birth. Most children experience sibling rivalry and jealousy because it's perfectly normal to want to be the center of attention. Preparing for the adoption should involve you and your children holding in-depth discussions and exploring feelings and issues. Read books to your younger children about adoption. If you are adopting internationally, familiarize yourself and your children with information about that country or culture. Read books about adoption and child care and take classes offered by your agency and or local mental health associations.
Your children need to know, on a fundamental level, that love expands to fill the family, it doesn't divide. In other words, just because you have four children doesn't mean each child only has 25 percent of your love. You need to find a way to make sure that each child feels a love that is constant and essential.
Remember that time and attention are as important to children as food and water. Before and after the new child arrives, be sure to find individual time for your child. Use your imagination to help your child feel your love:
Set aside special times to read a story, play an interactive game, or just cuddle.
Ask questions about school, play dates, and other activities where you may be apart.
Look into his eyes and say, “I love you” at least once a day.
Leave love notes on his pillow or in his lunch box.
Pray together or share inspirational thoughts.
Waiting rooms at doctors' or dentists' offices or time alone in the car are good opportunities for family interactions. But experts agree that meal times are by far the most important and effective means for enhancing family ties; make the effort to sit down together several times a week, or every day if possible.
