Gather Information, No Matter What
Whether you opt for a closed or open adoption, it is important that you gather as much information as you can about your child and his family's history. For medical reasons, you will want to be able to have as complete a history as possible about illnesses and conditions in the family, as well as about your child's health before the adoption.
In many states, laws that indicate blood relatives have first claim on a child whose parents have had their rights terminated have resulted in children being taken from foster homes where they've formed attachments to the foster parents and placed with strangers who happened to be biological kin. Such placements have a high potential for serious emotional harm to the children.
Gather information about the biological family that your child has a right to know and may request when he's an adult. Collect and preserve as much information as you can and share it with him at appropriate times. Almost all adopted children eventually become curious about where they came from. Any information you can glean, such as physical characteristics, family nationality, or interests will be precious information to your child. If you recognize your child's curiosity and support her feelings about this, you will strengthen your attachment over the years.
Working closely with a professional therapist who specializes in adoption can be helpful in establishing guidelines regarding information sharing. An adoptive mom of three described how sad she felt that she didn't know her children's heritage like she knew her own. Although her children connected with their adoptive family, including extended relatives, they had questions about their birth families that she just couldn't answer.
