Acknowledging and Strengthening Connections
Most professionals advise that, when possible, you and the birth family conduct a placement ceremony, where you claim the child and the biological parent gives the child permission to be part of your family. When and where this ceremony takes place will depend on your child's age and whether or not the state terminated parental rights.
Naming or renaming your child can be part of the claiming process, but it can also cause some problems. Naming is an important cultural function that establishes a child as a member of the family. If you adopt an infant, naming won't be an issue. If you have an open adoption of an older child, you may want to discuss the name with the birth parents so that any issues over it can be resolved amicably. If your adoption of an older child is closed, you still should avoid changing the first name of a child who has learned to respond to that name.
You have the right to change your child's name legally, but be careful about making the change abruptly, especially if the child is more than a month or two old. Also, when your child grows older, he will be more likely to see his name as a link to his birth family, ethnicity, or culture and be sad or upset about losing it.
If you feel strongly that the name should be changed, first incorporate the old name for awhile with the new name, then gradually use the new name more than the old, and eventually phase it out altogether. Do write down why you wanted to change the name and put the information in a place where you can discuss it with your child at the appropriate time.
If you adopt a child from another country, you might wish to incorporate part of her birth name in order to retain a feeling of connection to that heritage. Some parents keep the child's first name as a middle name.
