Set Up a Chosen Day and Other Strategies
Establishing traditions specific to your adoption are critical in helping your child feel bonded to your family. Just what those traditions are should be dictated by your particular circumstances — the placement age of your child, your status as a single or partnered parent, and attitudes of your extended family members.
Consider setting aside a specific day each year to celebrate when your child first entered your home, the adoption was finalized, or other occasion unique to your child. Families call this day Chosen Day, Gotcha Day, Our Special Day, The Placement Ceremony, or other descriptive names. This is a special day like a birthday, but it's more significant. A birthday is a day to celebrate the child; this kind of day is a day to celebrate your bond together.
Examples of Chosen or Placement Day Activities
Your agency may host the initial placement ceremony, when you can take pictures and memorialize the event. You may want to write up something that describes your feelings that can be preserved in your child's life book or memory box. Some families sing hymns or songs or read scriptures.
After the actual ceremony, it's often nice to have refreshments or go to lunch or dinner as a group. Some families host an open house or friends do the honors. There are no hard and fast rules — just do what feels right to you and your family. Your child may get it mixed up with her birthday when she's younger, but that's okay. Two birthdays are something to be treasured!
Essential
One family described setting up a table with a unity candle. Their new son lit one candle and the mom and dad lit another during the ceremony. Then the parents, the two siblings, and the son used their candles to light the center candle together to signify the joining of their lives.
Older children should be involved in planning the placement ceremony or celebration. Let them pick out the food, make up the guest list, and help prepare the invitations. The guest list should include all of her new family members, as well as teachers, social workers, foster parents, birth family members (if appropriate and within the adoption guidelines), therapists or others she wants to witness the event.
If you give your child gifts on this day, consider gifts that reflect you and your family. Find things that you can use to express a reminder of your permanent commitment.
