Abandonment is any child's greatest fear, and this question is fundamental to your child's self-image. Being relinquished, abandoned, or taken out of the custody of toxic parents are often mixed together in a child's mind. It's hard for a child to determine what really happened and why. Unless you can provide real answers, your child will be unable to move past the trauma to securely attach to your family. You must figure out how to answer her questions without complicating the situation.

Provide Age-Appropriate Explanations

First of all, it is important to reassure your child that, of course her birth mother wanted her. Children must understand that they are wanted. Imagine how it would feel to believe that the person who created you had no feelings for you. You don't want your child to feel this way.

When you answer this question, offer details that your child can understand and accept at her age. For example, teenage pregnancy might be a big concept for a four-year-old, but a 12-year-old is mature enough to understand.

Reinforce the Rightness of Your Adoption

An anonymous writer wrote “Legacy of an Adopted Child” to explain the complexities of adoptive relationships. This might help your child understand the situation as she grows older.

Once there were two women who never knew each other. One you do not remember; the other you call Mother.

Two different lives, shaped to make your one. One became your guiding star; the other became your sun. The first gave you life; the second taught you how to live in it.

The first gave you a need for love; the second was there to give it. One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name. One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim. One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears. One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.

One gave you up — it was all that she could do. The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.