Claiming Rituals
When children are born, relatives look at the peacefully sleeping or squalling infant and say such things as, “He's got Aunt Bessie's temper,” “There's Daddy's nose,” or “Look at those shoulders — he'll play football, like Uncle Ben.” Therapists call this activity claiming, a way for the family to enfold the newcomer and take ownership of him. If your child is adopted, you may feel as if he is being left out of this claiming process. However, as relatives become more accepting of an adopted family member, they frequently find ways to connect the child's behaviors or characteristics to the family.
Try to find people who were adopted and raised by parents from different ethnic backgrounds. Meeting adults and being with other children who have been or are going through the same experience can be validating and pleasant for your child. You can find resources online through the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse and by accessing a search engine using “Adoption China,” “Adoption Guatemala,” etc.
You can do the same with your ethnically different child. Pointing out similarities in behavior or appearance helps your child and you connect and reinforces the bond to relatives and friends. Claiming is important. Jake was White and had two biological sons when he adopted Alex, an African American baby boy. He was happy to hear his biological sons saying things like, “Alex likes to suck his thumb just like I did” and “Look Daddy, Alex loves the kitty like we do!”
