Your extended family's preconceived ideas will either help or hinder your choice to adopt a child of a different race. Stephanie, an adoptive mom in Missouri, said that she and her husband, Rudy, faced stiff resistance from his family when they adopted their son, who is half Black and half Native American. Rudy's grandfather told them that they should “stick to their own kind” and had no business “doing this to the family.” But when Nicky toddled up to him and grinned, “Hi, Gupa,” he melted and they've been best buddies ever since.

Your challenge with family members who resist a transracial adoption is to lovingly educate them and try not to take comments to heart. However, if family members are openly hostile or even just cool toward your child, tell them that their behavior is unacceptable and that there will be no contact until the behavior changes. If, in addition to the transracial child, you have biological children or adopted children who are of your own race, this stance is critical. Your child is your first priority, and a relative's feelings are secondary.