Helping Family Members Cope
You may need to help your children understand that their sibling's behavior may be irritating, embarrassing, or hard to comprehend. Let them know that feeling anger is normal, but that they must be careful about how they express that anger and that there are good and bad ways to do so. While they have a right to their feelings, their sibling has a right not to be hurt emotionally.
The following are examples of hurtful expressions of anger, with a better, clearer statement after it:
“Get out of here!”/“My friends and I are playing a game; I'll play with you later.”
“Stop it; don't be so dumb!”/“I don't like to be poked or tickled when I'm trying to read.”
”Why are you so stupid?”/“Maybe we should try doing the puzzle together another time.”
Sometimes, children need help finding the right words to convey what they mean in a way that is less hurtful.
You must interact with your child at his developmental age. Your adopted child may chronologically be ten years old, but have the cognitive abilities of a five-year-old. Your teenager may have the body of an adult, but react to situations like a three-year-old. Be sure to take that into account in your interactions.
Discuss with your children that there may be times when they will be unsure of how to act around their new sibling. Perhaps your younger child will be embarrassed to have his older, Down syndrome sister insist on playing dolls with him when his best friend from down the street is visiting. Try to be sensitive to such situations; maybe you can take the big sister to another part of the house and play dolls with her yourself. Or take her on a walk to collect pretty leaves or to look for interesting rocks.
Most of all, give your other child individual time to talk about possible scenarios. Tell her it's okay to want to play with her friend without her sister involved, but sometimes she should include her sister.
