Bonding Techniques for Babies
Babies change rapidly physically, and are born with billions of brain neurons that go through connection and pruning processes as babies experience life and interact with their environments. Repeated experience wires a child's brain. Each time your baby tries to touch her butterfly mobile or reach toward your face, tiny bursts of electricity knit neurons together. She needs recurring, consistent activities that stimulate the various centers of her brain. If her previous environment was sterile or abusive, she won't have developed as many pathways allowing her to learn.
Babies under four months old attach more quickly with their caregivers than older babies — if they've had secure, reliable nurturing from the moment of birth. If your baby has come from foster care or an orphanage and you suspect a lack of attachment, recreate, as much as possible, the first weeks of life for her with a more positive experience.
Hold your child and swaddle her. Some moms who've been there recommend that you do at least one feeding while kangarooing — holding her against your bare chest, naked except for a diaper. Warm milk, if you aren't breastfeeding, the sound of your voice, and the softness of your body all signal to your baby that she is secure and her needs will be met.
You and your baby communicate during feeding times. Your baby feels hunger pangs and cries. She sucks on her fist or blanket and cries again. Then you pick her up and hold her close. Warm milk quiets the hunger pangs, your scent and touch become entwined with sensations of hunger going away, and the eye contact you make work together to foster attachment. It is important to make feeding time with your baby an intimate time, removed as much as possible from distractions and abrasive sounds. Turn off your cell phone, television, and computer. Focus your attention on your baby and watch her closely. This will help you learn her unique way of communicating her needs, making feeding a mutually gratifying experience for both of you.
Is it possible to breastfeed my baby?
Yes, more and more moms are breastfeeding their adopted infants. The process takes preparation with medication and or pumping, and almost always needs supplementation with formula. But it is possible, especially if you've breastfed before. Contact the La Leche League International at
Avoid watching TV or feeding your baby in the middle of any commotion. If you have visitors during feeding time, go into another room where you will not be distracted. This is especially important during her first few weeks at home. It's fine to have visitors, but keep their visits brief during the initial weeks, and be sure you and your partner are the main ones feeding your baby.
If you have other children, try to feed her alone in the beginning, gradually shifting to become a general part of the family at feeding times.
After your initial adjustment period, when you need to leave your baby for a while, give her something that smells like you, like a pillow case or T-shirt. Several moms recommend making a small blanket out of flannel and sleeping with it before you have to leave.
If your child was born with alcohol or drugs in her system, she may be hypersensitive to being held. She may arch her back and turn away from you, and this can make feeding difficult. Experienced parents suggest that you lie down beside your baby on the floor when you give a bottle. Prop her so she's on her side and you can hold the bottle while she looks into your eyes. Lightly touch her hair or hand, then gradually increase your strokes or patting. If your child consistently rejects your touch, however, have her evaluated by a pediatric neurologist and/or a sensory integration specialist.
Don't take parenting so seriously that you fail to engage your child in silliness and having fun together. Make faces and stick out your tongue, mimic your child's gestures and sounds. Your child will quickly figure out that language is a two-way process. The more you respond to babbles, coos, and smiles, the more your baby's brain will make the connections between words and what they mean.
Babies love the game of peek-a-boo; you may get your first belly laugh through this game of hiding your face behind a blanket or pillow and popping out with a big smile and “Peek-a-boo!” This is more than a game; your child is learning that just because she can't see something, it hasn't disappeared. She's learning to trust that you will always come back.
Play with your child as he tolerates and enjoys the activity. If your baby turns away from you, he's probably tired or overwhelmed. Give him space, but use your intuition to be sure that you aren't allowing him to disengage from you and retreat into where he was before you brought him home.
As your baby gains control over her body, interact with her physically. Play patty-cake and patty-feet. Hold her weight in your hands and bounce her up and down. Touch her nose, mouth, and ears while you name the part, then take her hand and say the words while she touches your nose, mouth, and ears. This kind of touching will help her feel physically comfortable with you.
