Your elementary-aged child probably had many experiences before she joined your family. But, her life is her reality, and there's nothing you can do to erase the past. Helping her move out of that past into her present with you will be your primary job. By doing so, you connect with her where she is and validate yourself as a parent she will be able to trust implicitly. Making the abstractions of her life more concrete through pictures and words will give both of you the tools to examine that life and to enhance the joy and deal with the pain.

Start with your social worker or whoever placed your child in your home. If your child came from foster care, ask for contact information for members of her extended biological family, especially if there are restraining orders against her biological parents. If you are not your child's first out-of-family placement, contact those who cared for her previously. Try to get pictures of people and places who were part of her past.

Find out where she was born and take a picture of the hospital, if possible. Cut out pictures from old magazines that illustrate what was going on in her world when she was a particular age. Encourage people who knew her as a baby, toddler, and or preschooler to tell you about her.

If your child came from another country, assemble photos you took while there and all the information you gathered when you were completing the adoption.

Find out if your child has siblings or was close to other children in the orphanage or foster home. Get pictures of those children, or ask workers to describe them and the activities they shared.

Some of the information you collect may not be appropriate for your child to know now, so put court documents, arrest warrants, and such in a separate place. You can give such information to your child when she's an adult and capable of processing that part of her life. For now, keep, but don't share, it.

Your older adopted child could come to you with many unresolved difficulties and feelings. You may feel overwhelmed with sorrow at times, as well as have great anger toward those who neglected her. Don't let your feelings weigh you down or stop you from realizing that a far better life story is being written for her.

The more concrete you can make her story and the more you can include her in the creation of it, the stronger your bond with her will become. One excellent way to have her participate is to give her a journal in which both of you will write about the events of the day (or week, depending on the time you can commit). Many parents use bedtime to write in the journal. You may find, as she grows more comfortable with you, that she will tell you things about her previous life. Writing those things down and discussing them can be very cathartic and healing.

Take pictures of your child inside your house, beside you and your spouse, and with other children in the family. Also, take pictures of your neighborhood, with her riding her bike or zipping along on in-line skates or cartwheeling on the lawn. Commemorate as many important moments as you can: first day in a new grade, activities with friends, sporting events. Preparing and maintaining this life book will let your child see just how much you love her, and that she really is a part of your family.