Help Others Understand Your Child's Behavior
When friends note that you've added to your family, they will be curious and want to know about your experience. Your family, of course, will want to know details and consider how they fit into the picture. Others, like teachers, coaches, and car-pool parents, will need some information. Your challenge will be to assess who has a need to know (and to what degree) and who is merely being snoopy. Respect your child's right to privacy and to control her own story.
Your child may be withdrawn, make little eye contact, and seem excessively shy. On the other hand, she may swagger around, tell outrageous stories, or be belligerent. She may start fights, use foul language, or have other unacceptable behaviors. These behaviors can be confusing, even frightening, to others.
How do I answer questions about why my child never looks anyone in the eyes and flinches when somebody approaches her?
You can simply say that she has been in situations where it wasn't safe to trust anybody and that you are working with her on the issue. If the person asking is a family member who is also part of your support group, you may need to share more specifics. But remember that her history is hers; be sensitive about sharing details with those who have a need to know.
If you have been well prepared for her placement, you will have been taught strategies to control negative behavior. Be sure you've taken the time you need to integrate your child into the family, at least long enough (and with the help of a therapist, if necessary) for her to accept that she's home and that you are the parent. Until this acceptance occurs, your child will not be able to function well away from you.
