Finding Support
As you know by now, you can't sit back and depend on others to care about your family as much as you do. Being an adoptive parent means that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make a family. Supportive families, friends, and communities make the process of adopting a child through social services much easier. The agency that conducted your licensing study or arranged your adoption should be able to put you in touch with others who have been or are in the same situation.
How can I stop rude, insulting behavior from my child?
You cannot control the words that come out of your child's mouth, you can only control your own behavior. When your child is using disrespectful language or behavior, tell him, “You must be really frustrated right now to use words like that, but that's not the way to get my attention. I'll talk with you when you're calm.” If the unwanted behavior continues, you will want to be more and more disengaged so his misbehavior does not get additional attention.
Seek out state and national organizations. The National Foster Parent Association (NFPA) can direct you to local affiliates or people who will be able to answer your questions or help you form a group. Contact them on their Web site,
Don't wait for opportunities to come to you — take the initiative instead. Read through the bibliographies at the back of your training manual or materials. Call the local radio or TV station that interviewed a family with foster/adopt children and ask them to pass along your phone number.
The Internet has wonderful resources and, depending on where you live, can offer online chat rooms with foster/adopt parents, as well as direct you to a personal group.
Try to utilize both Internet and personal groups. The Internet can bring a connection to hundreds of adoptive/foster parents and the anonymity can be liberating; but personal contact is valuable, too, because you'll gain strength from being face to face with people who understand your unique challenges.
Foster/adopt parents and parents who have done traditional foster care adoptions in your area can be your greatest resources. If nothing specific is in place in your town, take matters into your own hands and set something up. Reach out to your neighborhood and business community, arrange potluck suppers, play dates, and impromptu parades. Contact the local chamber of commerce to find companies that might be interested in supporting foster and adoptive parents by contributing seconds or outdated but usable items. You may be surprised by how cooperative and helpful people can be once they know a need exists.
Reach out to others who know how it feels to walk the same rough, often stony, path. You will be stretched to your limits, but your emotional and spiritual strength will increase, and you will join a select group who know the delight of realizing a broken child's heart has been mended.
