Toilet Training Readiness
When your child is still an infant, he has no awareness of when he urinates or has a bowel movement. As he becomes a little older, he might notice only that he feels uncomfortable when his diaper gets too wet or dirty. A toddler, on the other hand, suddenly becomes aware of the physical sensation of urinating and having bowel movements. He might instinctively squat or stand still to pay closer attention to the feeling. He may smile with the release of urine or, if he's having a bowel movement, he might begin trying to control its passing, grimacing with the effort.
Your two-year-old's face and body will be your first clues that he has become aware of his body doing something. He is not ready to use a toilet at this point, but you should begin to talk to him about what is happening. Make your comments nonjudgmental, informative, and validating by saying something like, “You're peeing. That's great!”
Essential
As with his learning to stand and to walk, you can't really train your child to use a toilet. He will progress naturally through the multiple stages of bathroom readiness. Your job is to help him get used to what his body is telling him and praise him as he learns each step of the process.
This phase of awareness most likely lasts a few months, often between the ages of eighteen months and thirty months, although it varies greatly from child to child. Such growing awareness has no correlation with your child's mental and emotional development. Some children are more in touch with their bodies than others. Some children are so absorbed in playing and in exploring the world that they barely pay attention to their bodies.
What you say and the way you say it can help your child make a connection between what his body is doing and the necessary steps for keeping clean, comfortable, and healthy.
If you make diaper changing boring and matter-of-fact (no books or toys), your two-year-old will be less likely to want to hold onto this activity. The major trap parents fall into is in paying too much attention to their child's not using the toilet instead of providing their child with the motivation to start using it. There is no such thing as mechanically training your child to use the toilet. Rather, toilet training consists of a physical readiness on your child's part coupled with your ability to help him navigate this phase.
Eventually your child's awareness of his bodily functions comes not just after the fact but while he is urinating or having a bowel movement. As time goes on he will realize what is about to happen to him before it does. First he will make a connection between feeling the physical urge, on the one hand, and the actual experience of urinating or having a bowel movement, on the other. With time he will connect this advance bodily sensation with what he actively needs to do — get to the potty and remove his clothes and then properly relieve himself.
A child not only has to be psychologically ready to use the bathroom, but he also has to have an element of control over his body. For instance, he needs to be able to control his bladder in order to wait until he gets to the toilet to empty it. Like other learned processes, this ability requires both psychological readiness and physical development. So even though a child might practice holding his bladder, he can't be made to do this if his body isn't physically able to do so.
Your two-year-old, then, has a good deal to learn in terms of bodily awareness and self-control before he is able to use the toilet or potty. So it's important to look for several signs, not just one or two, before you decide whether your child is ready to start learning to use the bathroom.
An indication that your toddler is ready to give up diapers will take the form of communication with you. He now wants you to change his diaper soon after it's been soiled. Or he will try to control his body, waiting until he can go somewhere to privately take care of business. (Children still using diapers have been known to go under tables or to hide away in closets.)
Other signs from your child include:
an interest in the bathroom, going into it or sitting on the toilet
telling you what he is doing (“I'm peeing!”)
his diaper is dry after a nap
having one or two predictable bowel movements a day
It is actually easier to hold in a full bowel than a full bladder. Consequently, many children control their bowel movements before their urine output. You may notice your child looking around for privacy before he has a bowel movement. Or if you're in a restaurant or around friends, perhaps he waits until he's alone with you. When you notice this ability to wait and control his body, you can try teaching him to use a potty or the bathroom.
Before using a toilet, many children nowadays first use a potty, which is a low toilet seat that parents put on the floor. The opening is smaller so that a child doesn't feel like he could fall in (as children sometimes feel on a toilet). Some potties come with removable tops that can be put on top of a real toilet seat. That way a child can sit on the toilet without feeling like he might fall in.
Potties need to be cleaned. Some come with plastic liners, but others need to be wiped or rinsed out each time they are used. Because they sit on the floor, they get dirtier just by their location.
Some children want to use a toilet rather than a potty because they don't like sitting so close to the floor. Or they find the potty dirty, since their waste isn't flushed away quickly. Other children adore the potty and drag it from room to room, even sitting on it in front of the TV. You won't know which type of child you have if you don't have a potty in your house. So you need to buy one (or more if you have more than one bathroom or story in your house) and keep it accessible. Pay attention to your child discover what his natural response to it is.
Alert!
There are pros and cons regarding potties. If your child requires a potty, you may need to carry it around with you. If your child prefers the toilet, you will have to use whatever one is available. Stay nearby while he's on it since he may not be able to get on and off by himself and could also fall in.
In terms of your child's training, it doesn't matter whether he prefers the toilet or the potty. Eventually your child will use a toilet. What matters is that your child use whichever feels easier and less stressful.
